The 2011 Year's End

It’s time to put another year behind me. I thought about using these last couple days of it to process paperwork and tidy up spaces, but then I thought to hell with it. I’m pretty useless for doing too much of anything physical right now anyway, as I’m stricken with a screwed-up back for this last bit of the year. Instead of sitting around and having my senses accosted with a stupid series of mono-show marathons playing on TV at this time of the year on all channels, I chose to do something a little more cerebral and reflective instead.

My overall state of sentiment for the year of 2011 is a blend of gratitude and sorrow respectively about both successes and failures that are either new or continuing. The simplest way I can think of to describe this year overall is to view things within a matrix of good versus bad, and gain versus loss. Here then is the outlined breakdown of the year using those criteria:

Good Gains

·         Health-wise, I have more muscle tone, stamina, stronger heart and lungs, and regained at least six years worth of physical health

·         Achieving greater than half-marathon endurance during the fall

·         Beautiful weather throughout the summer, fall, and early winter for me to be outside more

·         Being able to run outside shirtless in summer without giving anyone some compulsion to call the cops. The bonus was a nice tan.

·         Better able to express myself in writing

·         Wii system: it’s allowing me to actually express my anger in a more harmless and cathartic manner

·         World-wide protests: against capitalism gone out of control on Wall Street, and by the pro-democracy public, especially in North Africa/the  Middle East (Egypt, Yemen, Libya, Syria), to rise up against their own iron-fisted despots

·         Finding the will to enter the dating scene again

Good Losses

·         Excess weight and inches of waistline

·         The deaths of Osama bin Laden, Mohamar Qaddafi, and Kim Jong Il. Hopefully this world can become a little better place now that we’re rid of a few less fanatical, antagonistic, tyrannical shit-disturbers

Bad Losses

·         Deaths of Steve Jobs, Jack Layton, essayist Christopher Hitchens, and my Grandmother

·         Most of the NDP and Green Party candidates from the last provincial election; thus a less balanced voice in the provincial legislature

·         Earthquake in Japan, The Slave Lake fires, floods in the Philippines, any other natural disasters that occurred on a massive scale that I failed to list

·         My chance to go on a trip to Costa Rica (or anywhere else for that matter)

·         Failure to negotiate a more substantial wage increase for my co-workers and peers

·         Investments are performing in a most shitty manner

Bad Gains

·         Debt

·         Grey hair now migrating to eyebrows

·         Extra pounds since mid-November

·         Back pain for this last week of the year

·         More mass mob stupidity on the globe, I especially refer to this year’s riots in Vancouver and London

Continual Bad

·          Realizing this year, more than ever, just how badly my work schedule deprives me of quality social, personal, and self-development time

·         Overall more loneliness (few people around or available when I have free time to share, or during the few times that I need help with something)

·         I’m still treated as just a “friend”, or “like a brother” to most women I date (it’s not a friggin’ compliment!). The testosterone I have left in me makes me want to puke every time I hear or see some reaction akin to that.

Continual Good

·         My ever-strengthening bond with my one best friend

·         Continuing my commitment to life-long learning

·         Urge to remain health conscious

·         Feeling more centred spiritually

After all this reflecting, I’ve given thought about the things I’ll need to take better steps ahead for the next year coming that’s only a few hours away. I’m happy to say that I have most of them around me now; it’s just a matter of getting organized, and enhancing and using things differently. Rather than processing stuff in the same old manner, with the same old bad habits, it would probably be a better thing to deploy a scorched earth policy on some areas of my life, and start on fresh new ground.

Boxing Day

Christmas passed by fine enough. On top of what we already do as a family for the holiday, I also got re-acquainted with the gentlemanly pastime of playing darts along with my nephews; that plus dominoes. I knew I had some as a kid, but didn’t take interest in them then, and there was no one around who really knew how to play them. I encountered them again as an adult while in South America, where they were a popular game amongst the young and old alike. They seemed to be a ubiquitous feature on the tables in the outdoor taverns and cafes during late afternoon as friends and patrons played and chatted, and unwound with some beer or pop in the heat of the day. They are a reminder of the pleasantness of what the true essence of what a game, as I feel, is supposed to be: something essentially simple yet challenging; yet fun and social. I find chess to be OK, but chess is more complicated, seems to only attract introverts, and it only seems to make introverted people withdraw even more into themselves as they sit there calculating strategies. I can’t stand it when people make simple games or sports (which are just more glorified forms of time-wasting) less fun and more serious and intellectual than they need to be. I can’t be troubled into memorizing, and then being led to argue about, a few decades worth of sports statistics like it’s somehow going to change the world. It’s bad enough that I know the crazy amount of trivia that I do never mind adding sports plays to my synapses. If I were stranded on a desert island with ten other “professional” people, and if I were the one responsible to pick the five most useful and practical of them to aid in survival and then let the rest perish, if there was a sportscaster among them, he would be the most likely one to be chopped into fish bait first.
 

It’s the evening of Boxing Day and I’m supposed to be working my bloody night shift tonight. As always, I’m not at all up for the challenge. I didn’t go through anything as intensely insane and exhausting as Boxing Day shopping, but I did travel, did some laundry, picked through a shitload of unread email, replied to some, deleted others, tried to enhance my Mom’s computer’s performance (with much futility), plus attended to lots of other things that kept my from getting the sleep that I seem to desperately need.

There seems to be just too much free floating fuzzy thoughts in my mind right now to even allow me to sleep anyway, even if I didn’t have all this other stuff to do.  Writing to collect and examine them is like trying to snatch a single drifting dandelion seed out of the air: the focused effort to swiftly catch one only makes some wild turbulence that pushes it further away from your grasp. This is exactly the kind of bewilderment I have to learn to work past if I’m ever to get into the momentum of committing to the missions of the New Year. Sadly, it seems like the only remedy for it is to press myself into writing even more, no matter how nonsensical. Stab and swish long enough into the air and perhaps eventually something might get captured.

The New Year’s missions themselves haven’t got true forms or names yet, or at least any that I would be comfortable to admit publically yet. Words and qualities like: simple, efficient, balanced, creative, profitable, measurable, dynamic, portable, alternative, transferable, inexpensive all appeal and have value for me, but to square them up with a vision, or the time I’ll be given, and to make them congruent to the wildly varied skills, knowledge and interests I already have seems to be a huge undertaking.

Five Questions, Five Answers: Winter Solstice

1.       Q: Why is the winter solstice significant to you?

 A: The date with longest night of the year, at this latitude where the time between sunset and sunrise is close to 17 hours long, occurring just nine or ten days before year’s end seems it should warrant something very meaningful. In the depth of this profound darkness, it’s like I become instinctually attuned into trying to crawl out of it and think of the future more, and I look at this last week and a half as that prime time of planning for what I want to see coming ahead for myself in the New Year. This month, it seems that the extra darkness at this time of year has been really making me screwy. I have a lot of mixed split shifts falling on early morning/late evening throughout this week; add to that the fact that there has been hardly any snow around to reflect more light outside, and solstice falls right at the time when the lunar cycle waning into new moon phase, it seems like the past few nights have been freakishly darker and longer than I’ve ever experienced. Perhaps that will just make me feel more pressured and desperate to change things once 2012 rolls in. It’s getting to be evermore exhausting in battling the depressive torpor that comes along during this season that I think I could just easily collapse into. I’m all the more thankful that I have Christmas off this year.

2.       Q: Are you affecting any positive changes now?

 A:  I’m dating again. I’m not going to say too much, because I feel like I’ll jinx myself if I do. Let me just say that it’s definitely not happening like the last few times in the past. It actually feels like something a hell of a lot different than a miserable job interview or a trip to the dentist*. I’ve been actually having a good time, and I feel like I’m actually connecting with a wonderful like-minded person (first time in a long time). I’m just taking it all day by day, moment by moment, avoiding analyzing things too much; thus thereby doing us both a favour by avoiding putting any ridiculous and unrealistic expectations and speculations on the table. 

3.       Q: Were you getting really bitter and angry about rejection?

 A: More accurately, what I’ve gotten frustrated and angry about is not so much “rejection”; but about “failure of fair and sensible acceptance”. It probably stems from my days working through the Justice department at the sexual assault centre. That experience undoubtedly had a huge impact in regards to my manner of approaching women. There was a need back then for me to consciously suppress appearances of looking too threatening or “virile” while working in that environment. In my private life, I really wanted to avoid the smelly shit pile of drama and suffering that could be created if any overt romantic interest I had in someone became poorly communicated, or misunderstood**. I hence didn’t do anything publically or privately that could have been misconstrued as unwanted provocation, or flirting no matter how innocent, neutral, practical, or natural the circumstances were. One would think that helping victims out would be something noble or heroic to do, but once I mentioned my occupation in casual conversation to others, people often avoided me like the plague, finding some excuse to leave the room and my presence . . . especially women. Because the work demanded a high degree of confidentiality, I couldn’t talk about it for fear of inadvertently disclosing details, and I had nothing else to talk about outside the topic of work. I was trying to do this very challenging thing for others, working on their behalf for some ideal of justice and righteousness, and yet I was the one being treated like an outcast. I felt very lonely and alienated, and even did some stupid things to compensate for it***. Meanwhile, the asshole psycho predators that we were trying to get off the street, more often than not, had wives and girlfriends, who were still stupidly faithful and loyal to these men, even while these guys were abusing them along with others. When these bastards were caught, they were penned up with murderers and violent offenders, some of whom were getting love letters and marriage proposals in jail. Life seemed so unfair for me that way: these monsters were getting others to tolerate, accept, and even love them; at the same time, I was struggling just to have people acknowledge me. I think noting these ironies made me very disillusioned about even bothering to give much thought or effort into pursuing some kind of relationship. I’ve witnessed and could cite more examples of this kind of dynamic involving people I know in recent history, but mentioning them here and now would be pointless, upsetting to them, and exhausting; it would only spur on more revulsion than I already have about this detestable facet of the human condition. I suppose that’s my way of feeling bitter and jaded about the topic.             

4.       Q: Any other big ideas in the coming New Year?

 A: I’m going to be taking more interest in re-inventing a new career path for myself, and continue my journey of life-long learning. Too complicated to explain for now; how I wish it were easier. I think I have consciously and purposely given myself harder challenges ahead in the spot I’m in, to help give me more incentive to escape the rut I think I’m in now.

5.       Q:  Last question . . . any maxims from this year that you could take into next year?

 A: Never underestimate the power of kaizen.

*- A trip to the dentist, or a bad job interview might actually have been better in a couple of cases.

**- After spending countless hours of researching, processing, and reviewing all sorts of scenarios of the legal ramifications and trouble one can face with even the slightest of actions being misinterpreted: bouncing around on a pogo stick through a minefield looked a hell of a lot safer than trying to ask someone out on a date.

***- Stupid things . . . like succumbing to the foolish notion that joining and going to a church was somehow going to help me solve my problems, or make me a better person.

Here Wii Go...

I finally think (or at least hope) that I’m shaking off this bloody cold/flu/whatever-the-hell-bug-this-is, which has been compromising my bodily systems for over a week now. I’ve had no energy to move, much less exercise, and all I felt like was just a weak, bloated, sneezing barrel of lung phlegm and snot. I’ve never been stomped down this hard from a mere cold ever, and the frustration and urgency to relieve myself from it has forced me to gulp down copious amounts of Neo-Citron. I like how it temporarily cures me from the respiratory discomfort and allows me to sleep; I hate the long spells of low-grade delirium, grogginess, and foggy-mindedness this shit inflicts on me. When I’m in this state, it’s like the parts of my cortex that can usually keep me entertained with whimsical thought are switched off, and I just lie in bed inert, bored stupid. When I’m bored stupid, I tend do some very irrational things all for the sake of jumpstarting my wits with some form of novelty.

During this go around of trying to curb the hyper-tedium, due to being under the influence of NC, I went out and purchased a Wii console for myself. I somehow caved to the notion that it would be in my best interest to join the rest of the sheeple of the 21^st century gaming universe, and concede to some impulse to engage in even more frivolous time-wasting in introverted isolation than I already do. It’s like I got summoned to join the Dark Side of the Force. As I was driving home*, along with long-scripted rationalizations about how long and boring winter was going to be, and how this was ultimately cheaper than some vacation I’d just be going on alone anyway, I reflected about how, years back in University, I wrote a term paper in a developmental psychology class, about the effects of depictions of explicit violence, through video game playing. It was the best academic submission I ever wrote, gaining me the highest mark I ever had in a university class. I noted a lot of predictions back then related to the course of technical development in the video gaming industry, and how it will ultimately lead to drastic changes the future of childhood psychological development. My professor thought I should follow up on this topic further should I ever decide to do research on it at a Masters level.  The problem was that I was a bit too much of a visionary, and the technology that I forecasted as coming didn’t yet exist, for there to base any experimentation on. ** Some of my predictions about the upgrading of interactivity, increased time used for and variety of game play, degree of realistic violence, and the dark side of computer technology as entertainment came true. Thinking of that, along with getting this system somehow made me feel like a bit of a sell-out.

Outwardly, I do like, and am very comfortable with, experimenting with new technology. However, this love affair with it has some limits for me, and I try not to allow bells and whistles fascinate me too much, or draw me into the delusion that technology is my salvation. By no means am I a Luddite, but I do think there are areas in life where there is a risk of getting corrupted and having social instability due to over-reliance on technology for everything in our communication and entertainment purposes as it develops faster than our pace to tame it all by putting  values, morals and etiquette on it; putting people at greater risk of: social apathy and desensitization to the human condition, ignorance and lost skill of non-technical ways of communicating, decline into alienation, anomie, and isolation. I admit that I do like computer games, but not to the extent where they get too grossly and pointlessly violent. I do have a few games for my PC, some could be termed as violent, but they are WWII games which I engage in for the sake of more historical interest than the violence, and I don't use my computer as a game dedicated system, I do actual work with it from time to time. Getting a system that’s just dedicated to game entertainment though seems somehow more irresponsible. I thought as well that it would be a drastic decline in my maturity if I went down this avenue, as being immersed in these virtual environments could be considered no different than playing around in a digital dollhouse.

However, I discovered something wonderfully revolutionary once I unpacked the console and set it up. With the built in Wi-Fi receiver of this new model of Wii system, I found the Wii channels, and a new whole take on interfacing with the Internet. I spent at least an hour doing a very adult thing of reading news from around the world. The thing is that I was actually “spinning” a virtual globe, to access some very poignant news articles on politics, science and technology, etc., posted throughout this interface created by Nintendo. The first headline that piqued my curiosity was the irony of Ray Bradbury’s novel Fahrenheit 451 being re-licensed, released, and distributed in ebook format before its copyright expired. The irony of this is that this novel sort of foretold the coming day when the essence of the printed book itself was going to meet its demise, and a culture of higher literacy would be abandoned as people advanced and embraced higher technology. Ultimately, people become indifferent to violence and the welfare of their neighbours, and society consequently degenerated because books, and any chance to be deeply engaged with the treasures of literature, were destroyed. It was strange to read this report about an old codger like Bradbury and his initial resistance in allowing his book to be converted into this format; then becoming open (or feeling forced) to allowing it to be so. Sort of the same way and on the same day as my resistance disappeared and allowed for acceptance of owning a gaming system.

The other cool thing I found through the Wii system is access to the Wii Voting Channel, where Wii users can respond to polling questions *** and review how their votes compare to the tallied results on a variety of topics.

I shall look at this as just another hobby, and not allow it to become some sort of addiction. The positive side of getting this thing is that it will help open up another avenue of rapport for engaging with some of the people I serve. Because I like Bond films, I purchased 007 Goldeneye as my first game. I hope all the time wasted shooting things doesn't go to my head, or give me a compulsion to start burning up my book collection.

*-with a head full of Neo Citron; in a condition where I shouldn’t have been driving to begin with, I must confess.

**-in my last year I was in university, there was no such thing as publically accessible Internet on campus yet, and 16-bit systems were just coming out as the ‘most advanced’ gaming consoles around (God, do I ever feel old now!).

***- Undoubtedly a survey method used by Nintendo for collecting data for their product development and marketing machine, but also a cool way to study demographics interactively.

Five Questions, Five Answers: Entry 3 – Sick Day

1.       Q: It’s a sick day for you. You look and feel horrible. Are you sure you want to do this?

A: I have not much energy for anything else, and nothing else better to do. My mind is totally draped in a fog from both boredom and the side effects of Neo-Citron. It might be well worth a laugh to read it later after I recover; then see and study the specimens of pulp that got coughed up from my conscience.

2.       Q: What have you been doing with the rare moments of lucidity you’ve had during this day?

A: Reading a book called The Power of Less, by Leo Babauta. It contains material and suggestions that suit my objectives I mentioned before in the last entry. It seems ironic that I’m dwelling on a chapter called Simple Focus, since it’s something I’ve been finding almost impossible to do all day.

3.       Q: Were there at least any kaizen moments happening today?

A: I added some more categories to a research database I’ve been constructing. That’s all I had in me. Trying to have the vision of how this thing is ultimately supposed to look like and function, and taking the steps backwards to fill in its innards is a really hard process to think about now in the current state I’m in. A chimp banging a ball-peen hammer on my keyboard would have a better chance at making the thing work than I would if I were trying to create formulas with this brain full of cold medication. I really hate the bloody after effects of lingering sedation.

4.       Q: Back to last entry’s content . . . a nerve was struck when you were confronted with the question about planning for creative expression. What happened since then?  

A: I came face to face with the shocking realization of just how long it has been since I really engaged in any hobbies or pastimes that cultivate any meaningful form of self-expression or self-actualization. I did running during the summer for the sake of getting healthier, and that consumed a lot of my personal time, but it’s not what I would consider a form of self-expression, or a passion, or even a fancy. Psychologically, at best, it was just a method of teaching me how the process of setting higher goals for oneself can be really satisfying, and that there was a beneficial result after. I have very few things around here in my living space that I would deem as trophies of achievement, or proof of having some ability to fashion something of some substantial quality from one any particular talent. Once I took a reckoning of that fact, I began to feel somewhat disappointed, and I feel kind of angry that I’ve been robbing myself of so much quality time.

5.       Q: Now that you know that, what’s going to happen next?

A: As I’m still feeling crappy enough with this cold, I’ll have to call in sick for tomorrow. The only advantage of being sick at home is that I won’t have enough energy to waste in plying myself to busywork trying to distract myself and avoiding that question anymore. I may have to force myself to explore it further between coughs, sneezes, and periods of being goofed up on Neo-Citron.

Five Questions, Five Answers: Entry 2 - Limits

1.       Q: In the pilot 5Q5A entry, you mentioned focusing on simplifying things by imposing tighter limits on your writing activity. Can you explain how you’re [going to be] doing this?

A: I consciously give myself a timeframe to work within, and an environment where I’m least distracted. I don’t use anything as obviously formal and annoying as an alarm; I do use something of a more passive and enjoyable as a time indicator, like a preset music playlist from iTunes. Music is the only distraction I’ll allow. It keeps me alert and provides me with a pace and flow to work with. I usually play techno, trance, or some soothing instrumental classical tunes (because it’s rhythmic, and there’s no extra singing in it to distract me). When the playlist stops playing, I stop writing. My ability to write, programme, and do calculations is inversely proportional to the number of other people hanging around me when I’m doing such things. It’s a type of performance anxiety I suppose. I need a high degree of solitude for brain work. Working at these things in a public place, classroom, or an open cubicle environment drives me absolutely insane, so another limit would be the number of people around me when I’m trying to concentrate. Whatever system I use, it seems I just get more done alone than I do working with others. Resisting the temptation in trying to do everything in one fell swoop is another thing to work on. I see that using baby steps and kaizen is probably the better way to go. I applaud the feat of one grad student mentioned in Tim Ferriss’ book, The 4 Hour Body, who was partying every night while in school; yet managed to complete his entire Ph.D. dissertation by limiting himself to writing one sentence each day through the duration of his academic year. I think that’s totally amazing.

2.       Q:  The end of the year is coming soon, and you usually plan a major project ahead of yourself for the coming New Year. Have you decided what you’re going to be doing yet? 

A: I know that late November/early December is the time when I usually start itching and dreaming to plan some action on getting some changes happening once January 1^st rolls around. This year, however, I seem to have been lost in a bit of a fog, thus I’m resorting to exercises like this one to promote some sort of clarity of vision. If I ever get a decent stretch of time off work before this year’s end, I’ll probably be using it to do the annual “office purge”. I rummage through my filing cabinet and hard drive(s) to empty spaces, so then there might be the inclination to see how I want those spaces refilled. I know my organization system will be changing majorly and radically. I’ll be using my scanner more to digitize, and render stuff to OCR compatible material as much as I can; ditching as much superfluous paper as possible. Once more stuff is digital, I hope I can take giant strides ahead with cutting, pasting, re-processing, and keeping what is essential, and having things kept to a minimum. That’s one priority I know I want to take care of, and perhaps a sphere of ideas will expand from there with the new modality of reclaimed space and digital efficiency. 

3.       Q: Between now and then is Christmas. Any thoughts as to what you’d want to get as a gift for yourself?

A: Realistically, it would be $200.00 or less. Initially I thought of getting a PVR, to record my favoured TV shows from my digital cable service. But, then I thought about how there’s less and less programming that’s interesting to me nowadays, and I already have a whole piss whack of shows recorded via Windows Media Centre stored on a hard drive somewhere that I haven’t even seen yet. There’s no time for it. The kid in me thought about a getting a Wii console. It’s a cheaper system that would allow me to at least be “active” with exercise programmes, but I’m even second guessing about this, as this system will probably be obsolete soon. Plus, logically, if I have no time for TV, where will the time come from for video games? I’ll figure out what I’ll get when I finish shopping for my loved ones, and then I’ll see what’s left moneywise and available inventory-wise after Christmas as the Boxing Day Sale madness escalates. 

4.       Q: Television and video games are stuff of the realm of introversion. What else could you get to force yourself to circulate and be more social?

A: A pass to the civic facilities, or a gym membership time is doable. It’s most practical and falls within my commitment to stay fit. But then again, so far I’ve found that the clientele that go the Field House during the hours I have time off are mostly just a bunch of near-dementia-addled old retirees, with whom I have nothing in common. Anyone else close to my age seems to be at work on a normal schedule. The arrogance and stuck up attitude I see from the younger people (especially from the ladies, surprisingly) dedicated to going to the gym is a real let down for me. It’s rare that people want to interact with me and vice versa. I hate wasting time and money at loud bars by myself, yelling at people to greet and chat with them (forced to make private conversation loud and public). I’ve checked out the local Leisure Guide numerous times in the past. There are lots of interesting classes, but again, they happen at times that aren’t available for me. I’m stuck at square one with this question.

5.       Q: Last Question . . . What you’ve planned (minimally) so far looks like it could satisfy the practical side of yourself, but what about the creative side of yourself, as hinted at in Q5 of the previous Q5A5 entry? 

A: Ah-ha . . . my first really challenging question I’ve encountered out of all of this. I’m glad it’s the last one. It looks like it’s time to hit the drawing board. Besides, my playlist has just finished now.

Five Questions, Five Answers: Pilot

Random interview questions selected from various sources (including myself); the answers I would have provided had they been directed to me personally. The ultimate purpose and goals for doing this are: to generate writing topics for various research and projects, to sharpen my wits and confidence, and to exercise and practice focused expression without interruptive criticism (which I find hard to avoid in real life).

1.       Q: Why the number five for this particular blog template/format?

A: The practice of journalism uses W5 (Who, What, Where, When, and Why). Neuroscience and psychological research shows that five to seven seems to be the norm in terms of the number of thoughts the average human brain can process at once; I chose to keep the things toward the simpler end of the spectrum. I’ve figured out that there are five subject realms that I would like to generally improve in my life (health, wealth, wisdom, good relations, and spirit). There’s a greater chance that I’ll find an answer related to at least one of those respective things if given an open question set that could potentially accommodate all of them, but at the same time keeps a tight limit on things so I can remain focused. I have a terrible habit of over-listing things and tasks. Too many balls hurled at me at once to catch and run with. My hope is that this will help to keep things corralled into a realm of the essential, so I’ll have a better chance of making things achievable.  

2.       Q: Why is this set up in a Q and A interview format?

A: When I’m asked a direct short, yet open-ended, question, I’ll hopefully be more inclined to respond with a short concise, yet open-ended answer that I can formulate to fuller (or better) completion. If I can do that, I can be more competent at focusing on, and relating a good idea, or a poignant and interesting story; using fewer words to stab at the heart of the matter. Besides that, fewer words used means less to proofread later.

3.       Q: Isn’t it strange to be asking yourself these things in the voice of a second person?

A: Honestly, it is. However, I have to get used to it, as being able to respond to this direct form of questioning will be critical if I ever want to succeed at future interviews related to career enhancement, or anything else life enhancing. When I write, I find the kind of voice that I don’t ordinarily have in my run of the mill working day. My written work seems to be a more exacting reflection of my genuine thoughts. Very rarely, during an average day, do I ever encounter the type of person who cares to engage with me with enough of the right combination of the kind of education, respect, honesty, courtesy, dignity, and sort of humour that I’d like to see in another. To have someone like this, I have to actively take the role of a writer, and create this right kind of character who’ll ask me the kinds of questions I want (or need) to hear, and to whom I can respond to comfortably*. Sure, perhaps this all seems strange in this type of public forum; but not any more or less stranger than being one of many in a public congregation crammed together in some church, mosque, or any other temple  structure, collectively begging for guidance and special favours from a great big invisible sky-dwelling being, who, as believed by these people, is actually listening to them, and allegedly controlling their lives. Here, as a questioner, who I know is in control of my life, I’m at least guaranteed some kind of answers I may understand. Here, as the answerer, I get to engage with, challenge, and even defy the questioner, whom I think I should to know better than anyone else. And if it ever comes to be the case where I indeed don’t outright know the answer to the questions posited, it’s a sign that I better get my shit together and figure stuff out.

4.       Q: Where did this idea come from?

A: There is no one source. It sort of evolved from a mish-mash of things: websites offering remedies to writer’s block, observing formatting styles in magazines, other blogs, Gestalt psychology. I doubt if it’s an original method, and I would guess that this technique has already been packaged, copyrighted and marketed in some other guise (that’s one more book idea that’s dead). What sort of got the ball rolling was noting the primary message of a book I read recently called The Gospel of the Second Coming, by Timothy Freke and Peter Gandy. It was their attempt to create a dialogue from the allegorical character of Jesus Christ, who, by his “second coming”, opened a window to Gnostic philosophy, a system of thinking where one is the dreamer as well as the dream**. They challenged Jesus with questions from a couple other allegorical characters, Simon Peter and Mary Magdelene. I don’t do or practice religion per se. I look at such things now anthropologically. I honestly just read the book because it was really quite hilarious as well as thought provoking. If the jest of this deal was to be both the dreamer and the dream, why not set things up where I’m both the interviewer and interviewee.

5.       Q:  Last question . . . so upon reviewing this, what do you think of the result?

A: Really well. Good flow and continuity, very few stalls and breaks in thought. I see areas where I’ve strengthened my writing style, and yet I see still more areas where I need to improve; over all I can’t complain. Knowing yourself and your flaws is a start. It truly is a reflection of a guy who is introverted, relies more on intellect than faith as his guiding compass for this world, and torn between doing things pragmatically and creatively. There’s just the right amount of stuff exposed to incite enough controversy to spark arguments I want and need to hear.  Maybe enough content here to fashion leading questions for another round of this sometime.

*When the questions start getting uncomfortable that’s probably even a better indication that there is cognitive dissonance; something amiss that I need to work on.

**Too complicated to explain here; remember, I came here to keep my questions and answers direct and simple