Five Questions, Five Answers: Entry 3 – Sick Day

1.       Q: It’s a sick day for you. You look and feel horrible. Are you sure you want to do this?

A: I have not much energy for anything else, and nothing else better to do. My mind is totally draped in a fog from both boredom and the side effects of Neo-Citron. It might be well worth a laugh to read it later after I recover; then see and study the specimens of pulp that got coughed up from my conscience.

2.       Q: What have you been doing with the rare moments of lucidity you’ve had during this day?

A: Reading a book called The Power of Less, by Leo Babauta. It contains material and suggestions that suit my objectives I mentioned before in the last entry. It seems ironic that I’m dwelling on a chapter called Simple Focus, since it’s something I’ve been finding almost impossible to do all day.

3.       Q: Were there at least any kaizen moments happening today?

A: I added some more categories to a research database I’ve been constructing. That’s all I had in me. Trying to have the vision of how this thing is ultimately supposed to look like and function, and taking the steps backwards to fill in its innards is a really hard process to think about now in the current state I’m in. A chimp banging a ball-peen hammer on my keyboard would have a better chance at making the thing work than I would if I were trying to create formulas with this brain full of cold medication. I really hate the bloody after effects of lingering sedation.

4.       Q: Back to last entry’s content . . . a nerve was struck when you were confronted with the question about planning for creative expression. What happened since then?  

A: I came face to face with the shocking realization of just how long it has been since I really engaged in any hobbies or pastimes that cultivate any meaningful form of self-expression or self-actualization. I did running during the summer for the sake of getting healthier, and that consumed a lot of my personal time, but it’s not what I would consider a form of self-expression, or a passion, or even a fancy. Psychologically, at best, it was just a method of teaching me how the process of setting higher goals for oneself can be really satisfying, and that there was a beneficial result after. I have very few things around here in my living space that I would deem as trophies of achievement, or proof of having some ability to fashion something of some substantial quality from one any particular talent. Once I took a reckoning of that fact, I began to feel somewhat disappointed, and I feel kind of angry that I’ve been robbing myself of so much quality time.

5.       Q: Now that you know that, what’s going to happen next?

A: As I’m still feeling crappy enough with this cold, I’ll have to call in sick for tomorrow. The only advantage of being sick at home is that I won’t have enough energy to waste in plying myself to busywork trying to distract myself and avoiding that question anymore. I may have to force myself to explore it further between coughs, sneezes, and periods of being goofed up on Neo-Citron.