Crafting Smörgåstårta

I started off this weekend quite bitter and disappointed. Given the course of how Friday closed for me at work, I was in real need of something more relaxing to do for leisure . . .  but that shit wasn’t happening. Instead of getting to check out the massive indoor flea market, or maybe the pet expo at Prairieland that I wanted to see, or skiing with my friend, or getting the chance to reunite with my brothers and sisters-in-law to finally go on a whiskey tour at Lucky Bastard distillery, I’m left being obliged to review, study, and attend workshops all bloody weekend at Saskatchewan Polytechnic* for not just one, but both weekend days. My Sunday isn’t even sacred for my quality weekend time, and I’ll be missing out on the Roughriders vs. Argonauts CFL semi-final, while I’m being fraught and tortured with test anxiety. That’s like bloody sacrilege to have such a workshop on this very day! I left SaskPoly on Saturday afternoon, too deflated and de-energized to do much of anything. I also had the aggravation of needing to do some grocery shopping for some protein afterward, by the way, a terrible idea on late Saturday afternoon if you hate crowds like I do.

I had a bear-like craving for either smoked or cured salmon, along with some other elegant form of seafood for some crazy reason (but not sushi, oddly enough . . . something more novel and different from that). If not for Saturday, then for my Sunday. I found a deal on smoked salmon and some shrimp on sale, and . . . Merry-flipping-early-Christmas to me . . . I also discovered a real rarity for these parts . . . whole crayfish! I always wanted to experiment with these little devils. I think I’m going to put them into some Spanish paella. I remembered that there was an odd inventory of eggs, veggies and other things to use up first as well in the fridge. I also reminded myself of my brewing project schedule, and reminded myself that should find something that accords with the non-wastage of the by-products of that after the first racking. Getting the crayfish reminded me of something about Sweden** (they have an annual festival there devoted to the eating of these little buggers). The thoughts of Swedish cuisine made me recollect flashes of some other inspirational things I glimpsed once on Pinterest as to what to do with my salmon and shrimp, and in this convoluted way I got an idea rolling and all these things coalesced in a lightning flash. My next culinary experiment was going to be making a Smörgåstårta: Swedish, for “sandwich cake”. I collected a couple more elementals for the project, and got the hell out of that store in a hurry.

The process went as such for innovating my version of a Smörgåstårta:

Step 1 – Crafting the “cake”: Knowing that I had to transfer (rack) my beer wort from a primary to secondary fermentation stage, I took and exploited the residual trub (mucky looking sediment residue) which is loaded full of live yeast, to serve as the leavening agent, along with some buttermilk for my “cake”. As it was loaded with more hoppy flavour, I added sweetened and aromatic caramelized onions and poppy seeds to the all-purpose flour dough to tame down some of its bitterness. I fashioned a dough and cooked it in a round, straight-sided baking dish. After baking it until done, I trimmed away the excess and the crusty surface (to be used as croutons). I don’t remember how long this took between the kneading, rising, and baking, but it was long enough for me to consume a couple of casually sipped gin and tonics. For an easier way to do this, you’d probably just buy a round bread loaf of whatever your preference is (like sourdough or pumpernickel) and trim it such that you get a wide cylindrical loaf.

Step 2 – Section the Loaf:   I made three horizontal cuts across the loaf, dividing them into four even sections.

Step 3 – Select and spread your fillings: You can use any damn filling you want, provided that it doesn’t make the bread layers too soggy. My choices for this particular experiment were: Herbed Liver pâté and chopped peppers spread evenly, add a bread section, then smearing on egg salad (flavoured with a small pinch of curry) over that, then layering with another section, then avocado and shrimp spread evenly, topped with the last layer section.

Step 4 – Making the “icing”: That was made with a 3:2:1 ratio of cream cheese, crème fraîche, and mayonnaise respectively. For this project, ¼ cup proportions were used for those ratio numbers. Sour cream might work if you don’t have access to crème fraiche, bit if you want to know how to make it, read further below. I reckon for an even more authentic icing ingredient, skyr could be used. I mentioned it briefly in another post. I may try that some day. Anyway, mix those three ingredients together to an even consistency, and chill for an hour before Icing your cake. Chill the iced cake for another hour before the next step.

Step 5 – You garnish that bastard like crazy! – Or at least this is the way that the Swedes seem to like to do it. Use whatever is edible, not just like what I have in the picture; use whatever it is that turns your crank. I used my smoked salmon, olives, cucumbers, tomatoes, capers and some dill for this one, crowned with one of my new little friends. Once that is finished, put it back in the fridge and keep it chilled before serving.

Oh yeah, for making your own crème fraîche, follow these steps:

1.       Scald a litre capacity mason jar with boiling water, filling it to the brim and emptying it. Also

immerse a sealer ring (and airlock if you have one) under boiling temperature water as well.

2.       Once the jar is emptied, pour in a litre of whipping cream, add to it 2 tablespoons of buttermilk and stir it in.

3.       Place airlock and sealer ring on the jar, and leave it at room temperature for at least 12 hours, if you don’t have an airlock like the one pictured, place a clean double folded cheese cloth across the lip of the jar and the sealer ring on it, not allowing the cheese cloth to contact the mixture. Be aware that the fermentation process will be about 4 hours faster this way. The airlock method will be slower, but purer (less contaminated) with native culture.

4.       Once the cream has a stiffened viscosity, put a clean, sterilized jar lid over it, seal it with the sealer ring, and store it in the refrigerator until ready to use it. Try to use it within a week stored this way.

The nice thing about this dish is that, like sushi, simple things can be used and made to look absolutely decadent. Like pizza, or soup, it allows for ingredient variability. I know it’s one that I’ll probably attempt again. The thing I'd do next time around would be to use my own homemade gravid lax instead of smoked salmon. The fact alone that one can take brewing slop and convert it into a classy party dish is cool trick in and of itself. As recipe concepts go, I’ll be definitely filing this one under “panty melters”. It was super delicious, and it would be nice to see an idea like this catch on. I'm glad I tried this out, as it would probably be the only way I'd get to sample some of this aside from actually going to Sweden.

*- I'm not really bitter or hateful about the workshops per se: they were useful with new tricks and techniques to learn, the instructor was good; it's just that the timing of them was bad.
**- I don’t keep it a secret, or apologize for being a bit of a Swedophile. I’ve made an effort to learn some of the basics of the language, and tune into some of the cultural aspects of that country. I don’t know why that is. Perhaps I listened to a little too much ABBA as a child to get this indoctrination happening. It turns out that I have much in common with the typical Swedish mindset, I think their women are gorgeous, and as I don’t really like tropical weather, I could easily adapt to their winters, which are a lot less severe than the ones here in Saskatchewan.

Fermented Spicy Corn Relish

I was just busy trying to be dutiful: clearing some stuff out of the fridge and processing it as best as I can, since I probably wouldn’t be able to do so later in the week ahead, due to some period of infirmity after a surgery. It’s a long story I’d rather not relate here, but currently, I’m impaired with only being able to use one arm soundly, so household chores have been light. I’m just doing half the prep work, and letting microbes do the rest. I’m letting them be my replacement left hand.

I spotted an interesting recipe for corn relish: totally weird and kind of exotic sounding stuff - I like that! However, as pain is already fatiguing me enough to dissuade me from running out for shopping trips, I restricted myself to just using stuff that is already here, thus inventing my own version of it. Perhaps it is a crazily contrived medley: being spawned from the product of both a lack of sleep, and the influence of pain medication. I tried to keep it simple. Be thankful though if you do want to copy and try it for yourself, as it is very rare that I record quantities and proportions when I improvise in the kitchen.

Ingredients

4             Large cobs of Fresh Corn (Maize)

1             Small Onion, finely chopped

½             Cup of Celery, finely minced (include the leaf bits if you want)

1              Teaspoon of Cumin Seeds

2              Tablespoons of Chili Pepper Flakes

2             Tablespoons of Course Kosher Salt

1             Tablespoon of White Sugar

Procedure

1. Use a quart or litre size canning jar that can be fitted with a lid with an airlock fixture. Scald the jar to sterilize it by filling it with boiling water. If possible, turn the airlock fixture upside down, and immerse it in the water of the jar. Leave it this way until you are ready to fill it with the relish mix.

2. Cut away the corn from the cobs into a mixing bowl, add in the remaining ingredients and mix thoroughly.

3. Using a heavy clean implement to crush the mixture to release the liquids in the kernels. Crush it enough to make the consistency look like kind of a very thick mushy porridge. I used a large wooden pestle, but I assume the top part of a meat tenderizer hammer could be used, or else a clean, unopened, tin of soup would work too. Don’t be tempted to use a spoon to taste the mix, and then putting the same spoon back in the bowl of contents. Not only is that just plain gross; you risk contaminating your batch and end up getting something quite different as a result, perhaps like something brewing closer to chicha*.

4. Empty the water from the jar, and begin spooning in the corn mixture and packing it in the jar, tamping it down often to get rid of any air spaces. Fill the jar tightly until the contents are level and are at about 2 cm below the jar opening.

5. Cover the compressed level surface of with 1 cm of boiled water; pour it in slowly. Made sure the sealing surface edge of the jar is absolutely clean and free of residue and debris, place the airlock fitted lid on the jar, and screw it on tightly. Fill the airlock to the halfway level with boiled water.

6. Put the jar in a warm place in the kitchen and allow it ferment for 2 to 3 days. After that, replace the airlock with a fitted lid and store it in the fridge, or divide it into smaller jars and can it via boiling water immersion, or using a pressure cooker.

I would guess that this would be the kind of condiment to be used with burgers, or a grilled chorizo sausage on a bun, or for Tex-Mex cooking, or as something to roll into a burrito, or to blend into a dip. Maybe going into a trance involving more pain-killers will lead to more ideas for uses for it.

*- Here is some interesting, yet useless, fermentation information for you . . . Chicha is a type of maize beer that was made by the ancient Incans, and other Meso-American indigenous cultures. An integral step of the mashing process to make it involved the kernels of raw corn being chewed, spat out, and then collected, as enzymes in human saliva help break down the complex starches in corn into simpler sugars to enable it to be fermented into an alcoholic beverage. I shared this fact once at that right moment while someone was sipping their beer, only to watch it spew out their mouth and nose as they gagged at the thought of this. That alone was pure entertainment right there. Who says history and science can’t be fun?