I’ve been
slopping down this entry in a piecemeal fashion, during each little break I’ve had
between all my other busywork, and while I try to get some sun to transition my
skin over to something else than a Siamese cat appearence1. My August stretch of summer holidays, once again, is
pretty much dedicated to home economics projects. The original “Bring Your
Own Bottle” meaning is a suitable and appropriate definition for
the use of the acronym around here during my free time in the afternoons2, but I’ve extended it to
also mean “Be Your Own Baba”: to be resourcefully frugal
and efficient; to be focused with making the most with the least in the kitchen,
and other areas of my dwelling, like some old Ukrainian grandmother would, as I’m
sure mine did. It all started off during the month of August, in the year that I
took possession of this property. Ever since then, either by strange coincidence
or by some natural cycle, when early or mid August comes, it has sort of turned
into an annual tradition for me to take a more serious interest of learning to
do the best I can with improving my home life, and involve myself with fix-ups
and various DIY projects, as I did when I first claimed this place, flipping it
around to suit my standards of comfort. It also coincides and flows into garden
harvest and canning season. So, I capitalize on using my time for that too. Whatever
is done around here, I try to make all these little projects synergistic and interconnected:
elements of one flowing into the form or function of another, to make something
greater, like some sort of private little ecosystem. I’ve been happily and
consciously getting reacquainted with my music collection again, playing it
loudly and liberally as I get into the flow of doing my stuff around here:
something else I don’t get to do at work. Included in this write up are samples
from my playlists. Here are a few other ways B.Y.O.B. can be termed and used
around here during this time of the year. Some things here are old tricks and
hacks I often deploy; others are new little twists that I’m experimenting with
that I thought were worth sharing:
1.
Be Your Own
Bourne – Like Jason Bourne in the movies (I just saw the latest sequel in
the theatre . . . so awesome!), the thing I’ll be doing is casting off my work
identity; to be the independent loner who is an apt evader of malicious forces,
and an on-the-spot improviser, who is on a mission to reclaim something that
belongs to him: his own true self. Except
when I do it, I’ll hopefully have none of the gunfire, car chases, or
explosions. The thing I have to keep bringing to mind is that I’m not at work. For at least a little
while, I’m not on some drive for using at least a full third of each of my days
to solve other people’s problems. I get to devote my energy to working on my
own. Thus, I have eliminated a lot of things that put me in a more negative
mindset for complaint, which serves to do nothing for betterment. I don’t have
to listen to it from others; I don’t have a reason to do it myself. Belay Your Obnoxious Bitching is perhaps another element
that can be a part of all this. This is an important thing to do in freeing
one’s mind to exercise any creativity, or to move toward improvements. When there
is no one around to judge or criticize, and if failures happen during any of my
experiments, or disappointments from my expenditures and exploits, I’ve only
then set up a new platform for learning. Be Your Own Boss is suitable to
use here too. (Best Activity Song {as I write this}: Find (Andy Moor Remix), by Ridgewalkers, mixed by Armin Van Buuren).
2.
Balance
Your Own Budget – it seems like a contrary maneuver to satisfy the part
about avoiding complaining and conflict, but it’s a necessary evil/challenge. Taking
a good hard glimpse at what’s working well, and the reality of where one could
be doing better with managing expenses, is crucial if one wants to make the
necessary corrections to change things for the better. A holiday meant to
relax, yet spent plunging into the red, ultimately isn’t a relaxing holiday. Be
smart, and set things up to work within your means. It’s another reason why I
opted for home economics projects. (Best Activity Song: Money, by Pink Floyd)
3.
Barter
Your Old Books – I’ve been liberating my old stock of literature for someone
else to enjoy, and trading these books at the city’s best used book store,
Westgate Books, to get store credit to put something new and interesting on my
shelves. As tempting as it was to collect silly, but fitting, ones with titles
like I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, I took
home something a little more poignant. The one I selected that I heard good
things about is The Rosie Project, by
Graeme Simsion. From the first page onward, I’ve been sort of freaked out about
how much the story’s scientist narrator tends to think like I do, like I could
have written much of what he said, thus it has been hard for me to put it down.
Reducing clutter, freeing space, and welcoming new ideas all at the same time
was the result. However, I couldn’t find any instruction manuals that I would
find beneficial for my other chosen activities (see point 13). (Best Activity
Song: nothing, I prefer to read in peace without distractions, but Lonely Boy, by The Black Keys would seem
appropriate for this book I’m reading, either that or The Scientist, by Coldplay)
4.
Bench
Your Own Bodyweight – that is, I need to start reclaiming some of the former
magnitude of strength that I used to have. At least doing more things like more
push ups. It’s not a vanity thing. Being alone and single necessitates one to
be physically strong and fit for all kinds of motion, i.e. keeping your
strength and flexibility means keeping your independence. No one is around to
help pick me up when I fall down, no one else is there to help me move
furniture, or other junk. It’s simply a fact that I have to be strong enough to
do these things myself, and I can’t let myself weaken anymore. If I’m walking
alone at night through a dodgy place or instance of time3, like I often have to, I’d want to be strong enough to
be able to throw off an aggressor who is as big as I am should there be a time
if I ever get attacked. That last example is a little extreme, but that kind of
power is always something good thing to have in the toolbox that is one’s own
body strength. It’s a shame to notice though that I have to dream up of
negative scenarios to motivate me to exercise more. (Best Activity Song: B.Y.O.B., by System of a Down)
5.
Befriend
Your Old Bicycle – To get active and sort of explore at the same time. Twenty
to thirty clicks in a day a few times this week should be sufficient enough
exercise that won’t ruin me for the rest of each day after. Depending on the
terrain, that equates to about six to eight kilometres of running, except with
a lot less stress on my joints. I notice
that there are many new trails that I haven’t tried yet through and around this
town. My plan is to explore more territory along the unknown sections of trails
that I’ve somehow ignored. (Best Activity Song: Ride (Tiësto Remix), Cary Brothers)
6.
Break
Your Old Barriers – New places, new activities, new roles, maybe a chance
to meet new people: all necessary to see and try. I’m ashamed to say that given
all the time that I’ve lived here, there is still a lot I haven’t done or places
that I’ve bothered to check out here locally. (Best Activity Song: This Must Be the Place, by The Talking
Heads)
7.
Bacteria,
Yeast, and Other Botanicals – As previous entries of other years can
attest, the only real cultural events that are happening here that I’m involved
with throughout this week of August are the ferments taking place in my
crockpot and carboys. Added to whatever I’ll be brewing in them will be fresh
living herbs and botanicals for unique flavourings. I’ve also been thinking
about experimenting with infusions and flavouring my own gin. The fermentation
cycles will be exploited thusly like last year’s experiment: once the primary
fermentation of the beer is done, the remaining living yeast in the trub is
used to make bread dough, the extra bread goes to making kvass, the kvass culture
goes to priming the brine to make fermented pickles. Therein is the synergy. (Best
Activity Song: I don’t know what microbes like to hear, but if it helps them
reproduce better, I should play them some Barry White to help get them in the
mood. Kind of a ridiculous notion though, since in truth they multiply by
asexual reproduction (cloning themselves). For them clubbing it though, I’d
recommend Piledriver (Grayed Out Summer
Mix), by Ameobassassin).
8.
Build
Your Own Brewery – Along with Brewing
Your Own Beer. I thought I could improve on the technical aspect of things regarding
brewing ale (the easier option, since making true lager or pilsner requires a
converted refrigerator), and to try to re-experiment with all-grain mash
brewing. To stage things for all-grain brewing in this place, I’ll need some
modifications for the different space constraints and environment here. The
last time I did all-mash, many years ago, it took almost a full 18 hours straight
from the mashing process, to sparging, to boiling/hopping, to cooling the wort,
to pitching the yeast, and the long messy clean up with the jury-rigged system
I had back then. But, it was honestly the best damn beer I ever made, and the
fact that I reduced the cost of producing it to around seven cents per 341 mL
bottle was a feather in my hat too. I doubt if I’ll ever get to make it that
cheap ever again: considering inflation, and a big investment needed for the
proper doodads, and gizmos. Trips to places like Peavey Mart, Princess Auto, Canadian
Tire, Cabella’s, and Co-op Do It Centre were made to hunt for parts for engineering
and crafting something for better thermostatic control, a counter flow chilling
unit, creative moulding of food grade plastics for some sort of sparging
appliance, and outfitting a propane burner unit that won’t torch the balcony
area of my place, since my little stove would be quite inadequate for the
volumes that I need to work with. That, plus there is no flippin’ way I’m going
to be adding the heat of 18 hours of steam and stove use in my place when it’s
going to hover around 30 degrees with the humidex outside for the week I’m off.
However, I had no luck at all in finding the right stuff. It was fruitless; an
exercise in futility. The time I wasted had to be regained with finding a kit
that’s even more simplified than my regular brewing methods. It just seems
wrong that the only input of preparation energy and ingredients for this time
around was about 4 litres boiling water, plus the addition of whatever volume
of cool water to reach my target gravity; but I hope the results will be within
the same parameters, or possibly even better. That’s for the treatment of the Y(east)
part in point 7. (Best activity song: Y
Control, by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs)
9.
Blend
Your Own Butter(s) – More uses with the botanicals part mentioned in point
7. Crafting my own herbed and seasoned
butters is a trick I learned to amp up the game in the kitchen. Locking in the botanical
flavours in butter fat, and then freezing it, is a way to conserve that “fresh”
flavour of them longer; as opposed to just being limited to using them in their
dried state as the other alternative. It’s damn easy to do: just mix them in
room temperature butter, form it, wrap it, and then refrigerate/freeze it. It
makes it speedy to transform something from ordinary to something decadent, and
adds other interesting dimensions of flavour to meat, vegetables and sauces. When
I get a couple of extra pounds of butter (when it’s on special), I also get my
hands on some fresh herbs, usually at this time of the year when the Farmers
Market has a good, locally-sourced, seasonal variety in stock. (Best Activity
Song: Spread The Love – Chuck Love) This
time, I made five kinds of herbal butter, yielding about 230 grams for each one.
They are:
a.
Sorrel
and Crushed White Peppercorn – The lemony flavour of the sorrel is good
with chicken, fish, grilled seafood, and vegetables like asparagus. I made an
alternative sauce for Hollandaise, using this instead, when I didn’t quite have
the right stuff when I was craving Eggs Benedict. It turned out OK.
b.
Dill –
For putting on salmon fillets in a pinch, or shrimp, or lighter meats like
chicken, or stirred into cooked carrots or beets, or a nice generous knob of it
goes well with on top of mashed/baked potatoes when I’m in the mood for them. It
can also be spread on hot toast to make an amazing tuna sandwich.
c.
Thyme –
If there is no barbeque sauce (as I rarely buy it because steak eating
occasions are becoming seldom), I simply grill a steak to my preferred doneness
with just some salt and pepper, and then add some of this with some crushed and
chopped garlic in it immediately once the steak is taken off the flame. Nothing
more elemental or complicated than that; yet it’s so delicious. You actually
get to appreciate good beef this way. It can be used a little more sparingly
with lean pork or chicken, or for making a brown sauce. I couldn’t guess as to
what sort of vegetables it might go well with, but I’m going to stir-fry
matchstick cut parsnips and celery, and adding a little fresh garlic, and salt
and pepper with it to see what happens.
d.
Basil –
This stuff makes a cob of corn super yummy when you tuck some under the ears of
a soaked cob, and then throw it on the barbeque grill. Also good with stirring
into finished pasta, or making a white sauce for it.
e.
Mint –
This one is new for me. I dared myself to make this specifically to use
with all
this lamb meat I have left in my freezer, using it the same way I use thyme
butter for steak. It wasn’t too bad!4
I’m guessing that it would mix in well with cooked green peas too, or other
vegetables with a higher sugar content, like carrots or beets, or sauté
zucchini in it. If you were wondering what I did with the rest of the big bunch
of mint I had left, you’d be right if you guessed that I made a few Mojitos. Waste
not, want not.
10.
Brew Your
Own Batches – of sauerkraut and pickles. It involves the first B of
point 7:
bacteria. May they find their jubilation and celebration with their procreation
and propagation in the new creation of my fermentation station (Yep . . . I
think those Mojitos are kicking in right now). This season’s attempt at brewing
my lovely, five-kilogram, mass of smelly cabbage involves a 7% weight of course
salt to shredded cabbage ratio, plus an addition of about a teaspoon of caraway
seeds for an extra little zing. Making lacto-fermented pickles comes next week
after this experiment after the series of other steps I mentioned above. (Best
Activity Song: Strange Brew, by
Cream)
 |
12.
Better
Your Own Bullshit – I mean reframing your mistakes, and making an effort to
correct them, or to do something better with them. I don’t mean being a better
liar; I’m not a proponent of that. Mistakes can, and will, happen in my kitchen
all the time; especially if I’m trying to do a hundred things at once. The only
real mistake I find unforgivable in a kitchen is needless wastage, all other
mishaps are fertile ground for experimentation. For example, I had the noble
ambition to make some jam out of the gift of some raspberries that were given
to me by my Mom. (Best Activity Song: Jammin’,
by Bob Marley) However, I misread a recipe and underused the quantity of pectin
I needed, but it was too late to add more, as I already canned it.
It's an obviously
possible botch up if it doesn’t set right. If that happens, I instead will have
made raspberry sauce, or raspberry syrup. Better yet, let’s call
it raspberry coulis: because if you
have something called coulis on a
plate served in an upscale restaurant, it automatically seems to make that dish
at least twenty percent more expensive than something with just plain old sauce on it. Redefining and repurposing
a fouled result is redemption, and thus isn’t a mistake anymore. It leads one
to really wonder about these so-called upcoming innovative and genius chefs. Are
they really so, or were they just really incompetent at fixing up a dish
according to orthodox methods and recipes, and to avoid being fired, they did
something radical with food to hide or distract from their blunders, and then
give it some pretentious name to feign ingenuity? Most mistakes in the kitchen
are bullshit, and you can easily recover and make even better with them if you
are cagey enough. Bob Ross, that instructional artist with the crazy big permed
afro on the PBS stations, with his Zen-like calm and stoned-to-the-bones-sounding
voice, said of painting, “There are no mistakes; just happy accidents.” The same
also applies in kitchen work, although the likes of Gordon Ramsey would have
you thinking otherwise. Speaking of Bob Ross, and his effed-up afro, I now
shift to the subject of indulging in visual arts . . .
 |
My Blueberry Jam.
No mistakes there.
|
 |
Trial started.
The base form is laid out,
I need to let the first layer
dry before I can add
details to her face.
My model is rather
uncooperative.
|
14.
Better
Your Output on Blogger – So, to sum up, for this week off leisure-wise, I’ve
been doing OK as an amateur chef, a bookkeeper, a brewer, a beer sampler(guzzler),
a puzzle solver, a bookshelf reductionist, a recreational cyclist, a
fermentation biochemist, a food preservationist, a kitchen ecologist, a Mojito
mixologist, and most recently, a page colouration specialist (well, not so much
a specialist, but a budding enthusiast). Now, I’m back to immersing myself in
the role of humour essayist. Sure, it’s not exactly like being a true
renaissance man, nor was this all as exciting as traveling somewhere new and
special, but I haven’t been wasting time just parked in front of a TV
frittering away these fine summer days either. As much as I’m flagellating
myself for not having better artistic ability, I’m also grounding myself in the
fact that not everyone out there is skilled or daring enough to write their own
blog. Reading a lot will make you smarter; making an effort to express yourself
better in writing will help keep you that way - or at least I hope that’s true.
Being able to chronicle something or tell a story, be it frivolous or poignant,
either with factual accuracy or for entertainment, doing so with a voice that’s
truly all your own is an alright asset to have and improve upon too. These
words are for those who I wish I could have had here to make all this going on more
of a party during my time off. They are spread out all across the province, the
country, and the continent. I miss them dearly. Putting all these BYOB
exercises into words is my last exercise.
A Random List of
Another Few Songs from My Collection I Enjoyed Chilling to as I Wrote All This (multiple
decades; multiple genres):
·
Home –
Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros
·
We Used to
Be Friends – The Dandy Warhols
·
Juliette
– Hollerado
·
Dirty Paws
– Of Monsters and Men
·
Airscape
– Robyn Hitchcock and the Egyptians
·
At First
Sight – The Stems
·
Our Love
– Editors
·
Dirt –
Phish
·
No Never
Mind Blues – David Deacon
·
Poor Boy
Blues – Jazz Gillum
·
Mannish
Boy – Muddy Waters
·
Hoochie
Coochie Man – Eric Clapton
·
Wishing
(If I Had A Photograph of You) – A Flock of Seagulls
·
Fine
Without You – Armin Van Buuren
·
Prayer for
Rain – The Cure
·
Pictures
of You – The Cure
·
Love Will
Tear Us Apart – Joy Division
·
Four Play
– Fred Wesley & the Horny Horns
·
Limelight
– Rush
·
La Villa
Strangiata - Rush
·
Red Rain –
Peter Gabriel
·
Kashmir
– Led Zeppelin
·
Bron-Y-Aur
Stomp – Led Zeppelin
·
Spill The
Wine – Eric Burdon & War
·
Just Like
Honey – The Jesus & Mary Chain
·
More Than
This – Roxy Music
·
7 Years
– Lukas Graham
·
Bourée –
Jethro Tull
·
A New Day
Yesterday – Jethro Tull
·
The Only
One I Know – The Charlatans
·
You Read -
Eric Charles Band
·
Passenger –
Iggy Pop
·
I’m Afraid
of Americans – David Bowie
·
How Soon
Is Now? – The Smiths
·
Tight
Black Rubber – Black Francis
·
Hallucinations
– The Raveonettes
·
Love In A
Trashcan – The Raveonettes
·
Where Is
My Mind? – The Pixies
·
I Wanna Be
Adored – The Stone Roses
·
Fool’s
Gold (Remastered) – The Stone Roses
·
Little
Monster – Royal Blood
·
How to
Disappear Completely - Radiohead
1 - Brianese to Canadian English translation: Siamese Cat
complexion – when your face, lower legs, and forearms are quite darkly tanned,
but the rest of your body is looking ghostly white in comparison.
2 - I have quite a few good, if not interesting, ideas that
strike me while I’m in a mildly conspicuous, yet still lucid, state of
inebriation.
3 - I specifically refer to the gang-scum festered traveling
shit show that is the EX, and the plague of thefts, robberies, and assaults
that spike in the surrounding neighbourhood when it’s here. It comes here next
week . . . Blargh!!!
4 – Really meaning, it was rather awesome. My Canadian
attitude shows itself in my writing a lot, including the sometimes annoying
proclivity we have for being really understated.
5 – I know some of those who know me who may be reading this
might be thinking I’m starting to slip some gears; the most critical of the
ones I’m thinking of who are ready to jab a barbed opinion at me for doing this
are themselves inked up in the most skank-ass tattoos you can think of. Oh, the
hilarious irony . . . people turning themselves
into colouring books ready to snicker and beak off at a guy who just had a
moment of curiosity to pass the time with one. If you have a tattoo, you don’t
get to judge.
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