Post Funeral Reckonings

I just returned home from a funeral. I don't believe in publishing the name of any deceased person within my circle of acquaintanceship, nor the details of their passing away, without formal permission from their family to do so first, so I've withheld those details. But what I will remember and say of this person is that it was someone who believed in living honestly, dutifully and working toward virtues, and seeing that this person was so welcoming and respectful to me and my family, and always treated me kindly when I visited her, it made me feel assured that she perhaps saw some of the same qualities in me as well. I am also grateful that it was someone who was a supportive and dear friend to my own Mom; who sadly was a witness to the critical incident that eventually claimed this person's life. Looking aside from the death itself, I am comforted a bit in knowing that she was spared from suffering for very long, and mostly good things seem to be going on in the lives of her surviving children and grandchildren, and that they seem to be prospering well enough. I wish better for all of them in the times ahead.

My mind has been thrown on a bit of an emotional roller coaster as I sit here and reflect about not only the passing of this person, and with all who I spoke to and saw during course of the day, the most salient things being:

• memories that were tagged to some of the guests there who were indirectly a link to the past bad memories from my old home town I grew up in. The case today was that I met the sibling*  of someone else who put a lot of effort into attacking my self-esteem and psychologically bullying me through any opportunity they had throughout my school years. Through our discussion, I gained a clearer picture today as to why that person had used so much energy in directing this abuse at me: it stemmed from their own selfishness and insecurity; nothing really to do with any flaw I had (something I wished I had the sense to learn and accept a few decades ago). I should feel more secure in myself after knowing this, but I only feel despair and regret. After all these years, I'm still angry to depth of my core about how I allowed the antics of a pathologically hyper-competitive, sanctimonious, spiteful, asshole who thrived on schadenfreude, to scar my self-confidence/esteem so deeply, which has affected more than one aspect of my life for so long. I'm ashamed to admit this, but it is true.
• in the scope of things, I'm realizing just how I've been limiting myself and treating myself badly. Worse than even being enslaved by some sort of addiction, is failing to reach one's real potential, and failing to see that one deserves better and to live with dignity, and to not waste any more time suffering fools.
• it's overwhelming and incredibly hard to meet people after not seeing them for five years or more, and being pressed to try to share a summary of my own life details, or to get a concise precis of theirs. Part of my failure for this is not being available socially anymore, and seeing how much time has past in between is a hard way to be struck back into reality.
• the general overall reminder about how life is too short, and how it can vanish away in a blink of an eye; and I'm forced to think of the ways that I'm squandering away my own talents, resources, and energies . . . maybe now more than ever I must stop and wonder, and ask myself at this stage of it, the question: "Is it really meaningful for me anymore?

When arriving home and checked messages, it was almost as if it was a sign from above, given the course of this day, that I found this link sent to my Facebook feed. I am sharing it here as well: On The Shortness of Life: An Introduction to Seneca. Thanks again, Tim!

*- He's an honestly decent and good person, with whom I never had any qualms with. I regard the same of the parents of them, which makes me wonder what the hell went wrong with this other person.

Having the Stomach to Stomach some Stomach/ MSX No. 2

MSX No.2 - 2014: Cooking with Offal - Beef Tripe

Tripe (the stomach lining of some large, usually a cud-chewing, farm animal) is one of those foods you will either learn to love, or absolutely hate. The first time I sampled honeycomb beef tripe was in a Chinese restaurant; it was steamed with ginger and scallions. I thought it was OK; but not something that registers to me as anything to hoot and holler about. It was more like that I was impressed with the fact that something that I initially thought of as being so disgusting was made to taste as well as it did. I want to veer away from the Asian method of cooking it though, and discover another way to use it.

The inspirations/reasons why:

• During my research throughout the previous mead-making project (MSX No.1), I was noting a repeated warning about over-indulging in the stuff. I was led to assume that in terms of the proportion of relative intensity of post-inebriation suffering incurred in comparison to consuming other forms of alcohol of equal volume and proof strength, mead is pretty much at the top of the list, the alcohol-fuelled equivalent to a hydrogen bomb going off in the brain. Maybe the lore about the Vikings going wild and berserk in battle wasn't so much about having no instinctual fear of death; but perhaps it was more about being so hung over after sloshing down mead from feasting that they may have found the prospect of dying in battle more preferable than dealing with the agony they experienced in their heads afterwards. So, out of curiosity, I began to investigate some preventative measures in terms of natural foods and gourmet/ethnic recipes that also served as hangover cures. The Mexican dish of menudo recurred more than once in the searches as one of those things that allegedly does just that, which is made with tripe. My own personal worst binge-drinking experience back in more foolish days involved tequila, the result being one of the most horrific hangovers to ever pollute my inter-cranial space within my lifetime so far, thus I'm not going to argue with any Mexicans about what the panacea is for over-imbibing, and I'll take their word for it. I'm not opting for menudo itself, (which I think edges toward being a little too disgusting* and preparation intensive), but I'm open to trying some other variation of this kind of organ meat.
• I've been still lacking energy since the flu hit me. Even though I haven't been drinking, it feels like I've been enduring a low-grade hang over for a long time. I'm realizing just how little protein I've been eating over the past while. Maybe a protein-rich hangover cure will also serve as a general all-purpose re-energizer as well.
• Robbie Burns' Day is coming up, and the related events have been becoming more notably popular around this town in the past few years. Maybe this late January tradition involving feasting on animal guts (haggis) was an inspiration to try to use that type of ingredient. I took it as an Iron Chef challenge, thinking that I could improve that sort of culinary abomination.
• Economy: this stuff was cheap in the meat shop I was ambling through at the time I discovered it (go figure that!) so I got courageous and picked some up.
• It's a confidence builder, and a measure of mastery of your own kitchen skills when you can take something that's so positively revolting and transform it into something delicious. It's not such a big deal to take a high quality cut of meat and make it palatable, but to take the odds and ends of a beast, and make something amazing out of it is an act of working miracles. It's the equivalent of digging in a pile of shit and finding diamonds. It expands options and brings one to having the mindset of trying to find abundance in the least of things. 
• Let's not delude ourselves: it's no more disgusting of an ingredient than what you are already likely to find in the average hotdog/sausage.

After researching and deconstructing several other recipes and cooking techniques, being mindful to strictly limit things and use stuff I already had in the kitchen, I came up with my own hybrid recipe and process, which then . . . holy crap** . . . I actually started to record in word and visuals. Here is my version of Trippa alla Romana***. My apologies to any Italian chefs out there who may regard this recipe of mine as a little too unorthodox from what is traditional and authentic.

Trippa alla Romana

Step 1: Take  1 kg of beef tripe, place it in a bowl, add 2 teaspoon of salt and cover it with water. Let it soak for a half hour. Wash and rinse it, and cover it again let it soak for another half hour.

Step 2: Wash, rinse and drain thoroughly, and then place in a cooking vessel which allows you to add enough water to cover the tripe. Add 1 teaspoon of vanilla extract****. Bring it to a boil, and then lower the heat and allow it to simmer for an hour. Reserve 1 cup of the braising fluid, and drain away the rest of the liquid and allow it to cool down.

Step 3: In the meanwhile, set up your mise en place, which include the following ingredients:

• 2 tablespoons of olive oil
• 1 1/2 cup - chopped onion
• 1 1/2 cup - finely chopped celery
• 4 - large cloves of garlic, chopped
• 1/2 tsp - coarsely ground black pepper
• 1/2 tsp - salt
• 1/2 tsp - dried parsley
• 1 cup - carrots, finely chopped
• 1 cup - yellow pepper, finely chopped
• 2 cup - canned diced tomatoes
• 3/4 cup - dry white wine
• 3-5 grams (about a 1/4 cup packed) of fresh mint leaves, chopped

Step 4: Cut the cooled tripe into smaller pieces, about 3 cm (about 1.5 inches) square.

Step 5: In a saucepan with medium heat, heat the 2 tablespoons of olive oil, and then add the onions, celery, and fry until the onions are translucent, add the garlic, black pepper, salt, and parsley and fry until the garlic begins to caramelize (do not burn or blacken it).

Step 6: In a slow-cooker crock (about 4 litre capacity), add in the reserved braising fluid, dry white wine, canned diced tomatoes, the tripe, and then the sautéed onion/celery/garlic mixture, add and mix in the chopped mint leaves. Mix all together and set on high and allow to cook for at least six hours.

Verdict: I was a bit concerned as to how the play of flavours would have worked between the having mint mixed in with tomato, onion, and garlic, but I was pleasantly surprised. I think a blend of a sweeter variety of tomatoes and red onion would have been more suitable though. My first sampling of the tripe itself was still a bit tough and rubbery, if you don't mind the texture of calamari it would be tolerable. I let it slow cook for another few hours to see if it gets more tenderized, and seeing if a better merging of the carrots and celery flavours happen in the mix. I sampled it after two more hours, and there was much improvement in both flavour and texture. It's even slightly better than last time I had tripe, but it's still not enough to stick me in enough of a mood to add it to a list of my favourite things to eat. I'm satisfied though that I made it into something that was better than what my expectations of what it might be were. Better than haggis at least I think.

*- Besides, I don't know where I could find some spare animal hooves to add to the mixture, an ingredient of to one menudo recipe I saw.
**- People who know me will find this shocking, because never use set recipes for anything when I create stuff in the kitchen.
***- Isn't Italian a beautiful language? I like the way it rolls off the tongue. This name makes it so much more appealing and appetizing than Roman Style Cow Gut Stew.
****-  This is not really for flavouring the meat; it's more for taming down the initial steaming stench that comes off boiling offal. Do your neighbours, and co-habiting housemates a favour: if you have an overhead exhaust fan, please use it to the max.

 

The First Three of the Fifty-Two of 2014/ MSX No. 1

I wasn't much in a mood to record anything during these first couple of weeks of the year, because all I would have done was spew out negativity. Fighting the flu, dealing with the bad weather, and enduring the resulting cabin fever, was all that I was basically doing: just feeling the erosion of all my vitality. I've been set back for a couple weeks in terms of working towards some sort of personal betterment that I intended to begin the year with because of being so depleted of energy for anything requiring physical effort and mental focus. I was forced to accept basic recovery towards normal as the first step to improvement.

Thankfully, the weather has been getting back to seasonal (and even above it), and I'm starting to find my strength and stamina returning again. I got back into some exercise (skiing), messing around with stuff on my spreadsheets, and now writing; to restore the habit of finding and keeping a solid train of thought again after being rendered too loopy for so long after using symptom remedies.

So, to re-stimulate my brain again and add some novelty into this new year, I'm setting myself up for my first mad science experiment of 2014.

MSX No. 1-2014: Brewing Mead

For the benefit of those out there who are gastronomically ignorant and don't know what mead is, it's an alcoholic beverage produced by the fermentation of honey.

The inspirations/reasons why:

• From reading Cooked: A Natural History of Transformation by Michael Pollan, and his terrific commentary in the "Earth" section of his book about fermentation as being sort of one of the fundamental cornerstones that created human civilization.* I was re-inspired to brew something, and mead was one of the things mentioned that made me curious.
• Apart from viewing food/drink/travel series with Anthony Bourdain** on TV while lazing around being infirm with influenza, I spent too much time watching movies and documentary stories themed around post-war/apocalyptic survival. I couldn't help but to wonder that if the end of this world did come, and if I did somehow manage to survive it, whatever skills and knowledge I have for using modern technology would be rendered meaningless. Whether it's due to a global disaster, a massive pandemic, or some war/economic chaos as an after effect of peak oil: to be a viable citizen reintegrating into a functional society afterward, one must revert to the practical mechanical skills, be able to grow foodstuffs, and perform other types of husbandry that have sustained us as they did for our first few thousand years of existence. Being resourceful, and knowing how to make substances out of bare essentials that add merriment in a grief-stricken world in this type of scenario would be an important role, not to mention perhaps elevating one's social status to that of a demi-god. In a weird way, it was a prompt to experiment in diversifying ingredients and to help keep in practice.
• I always wanted to try out mead, but I can't find it here in a commercial liquor store or wine shop. There used to be just one specialty liquor store in this town that handled mead, but there is a long sordid story as to how the stupid bugger who ran the place got himself into some sort of legal troubles and was forced to close the establishment down before I had a chance to sample any. Therefore, if I want to try any here, I have to make it myself.
• Some of the idea was sparked from an entertaining and silly conversation with a co-worker of Scandinavian heritage about the history of the Norsemen (who drank lots of the stuff). If you think that a drink made out of honey is for sissies, I'd dare you to tell that to someone with the disposition of a Viking. 
• I have a familial connection to a source of local honey which I can get in bulk supply, and now is the time to try this experiment before it's no longer practical or feasible to do***. I suppose it also puts me in touch with my inner hippie/David Suzuki wannabe-self; as it ultimately ends up being an option for a more environmentally friendly, think-local, low-carbon footprint way of making homemade booze. 
• To make it happen, I'll need a sanitary and hygienic environment. I needed some motivator to get off my ass and stop the excuses for further neglecting to clean up my kitchen space.

Special Challenges/Considerations/Drawbacks:

• Honey is a finicky substance when it comes to trying to coax it into a state of fermentation. If left in pure form, it can naturally last for years, even decades, without any spoilage; not allowing for any type of culture of micro-organisms to grow on it at all. More so than beer and wine making, the process needed to prime the environment enough to let yeast do its work has to take into consideration the proper mineral content of the added water, introduction of a properly staged nutrient regimen, and adjustment of the pH level of the must solution (leaning toward acidic is better). Those are the new factors for me to play around with and include in my brewing skill set.
• Mead can be made carbonated, sparkling, or still. I'm going to opt for making a still batch as my first trial (i.e. neutralizing the remaining yeast with potassium sorbate before bottling). I'm not willing to see how many explosions and flying shards of glass I'll be having around my place if my timing is wrong with bottling the stuff too soon.
• There is a possibility of having gunky, residual, hard to remove, bee's wax coating and contaminating my brewing vessels/carboys
• I'm irritated by the fact that most of the recipes I've been finding and reviewing are from the United States, and aren't conveniently posted with metric measurements. Hence, I often have to re-compute for the fixed volume size differentials for a closed fermentation system (US gallon batch sizes vs. metric or Imperial gallon volume carboys we use here). Why is it that Americans can actively and liberally accommodate for using metric for dealing in drugs, but can't seem to do so for anything else?
• Maturation: my findings show that mead takes a longer time than beer or wine to age and condition. At least six months of aging seems to be the norm. I'll let this batch condition itself for nine months, the same gestation period for a human, plus it then makes it seem right to consume it by the time my own birthday rolls around. I'll post follow up results then.

Initial Ingredients:

• 5 kg of Saskatchewan (locally produced) honey (floral nectar composition yet unknown) 
• One package (5 g) Lalvin Yeast: strain, EC-1118 Sacchromyces cerevisiae (ex -bayanus)
• 15 g Yeast nutrient
• 5 g Irish moss (clarifying agent) 

I have yet to determine and calculate:

• an acid blend (either citric, malic, or ascorbic), or a blend of additional fruits that are acidic (Note to self: I need a pH test kit)
• any additional flavourings of spices that could be used
• I won't be disclosing whatever else I'll be using for ingredients and the brewing process itself. That will either be a trade secret if it turns out well, or else it may just be pointless to share if it turns out badly.

Other related trivia and vocabulary:

• Mazer: A person who makes mead; also a large carved wooden drinking vessel from the medieval ages used to perhaps drink such stuff.
• Metheglin: Mead that has been flavoured with extra herbs and spices (probably the way I'll go); traditionally thought to have medicinal properties.
• Mead is thought to be the oldest known form of alcoholic beverage made by human beings, even pre-dating beer. Beer is made with harvested grain which is a product of an agricultural society, whereas to ferment honey you don't even need to farm. It could have been a lesser evolved hominid who was lucky enough to drop and dilute enough wild honey in water and discover this happy accident after some time.
• Many ancient cultures considered mead to be an aphrodisiac. The English word "honeymoon" is derived from a superstition that if mead was consumed one month (a moon) after the wedding, with sexual congress taking place, the resulting child afterward would be a male.

One Musical Playlist Pairing for the Project: Just Like Honey - The Jesus and Mary Chain

*-You would have to peruse the final chapter of same the book, Afterward: Hand Taste, to understand why I like doing this sort of stuff to begin with.

** - To get to travel around the globe exploring food/restaurants, and other lesser-known hidden away attractions; and to write, critique, and commentate about those experiences, occasionally doing it with a whimsical smart-ass attitude . . . I WANT HIS JOB!!!

***- Honey production has been drastically effected here and other parts of the world due to bee populations dying off because of pesticide use, and widespread disease and parasitic infections, which then ultimately makes a more substandard quality of honey and higher prices due to product shortages.

Blue Monday/Another Weird Cycle (and trying to break it)

According to researchers, after reviewing and monitoring tweets and other social media postings, today has been determined statistically to be "the most miserable day of the year", or "Blue Monday". It's when the holiday cheer slips behind us, people return to their regular work schedules, and the reality of the aftermath of those expenses comes along with facing winter at its worst. It seems that I couldn't escape this day unscathed either.

I've been rendered flu-stricken. I have been so since Sunday morning. I'm being tormented with a fever, being drenched in cold sweat, headaches, muscle cramps and weakness, and other respiratory issues. It couldn't have happened at a worse time because it sets me up in an approach-avoidance dilemma. I have used my New Year's stat holiday (which now looks like a pretty much wasted deal) for a challenge coming up tomorrow in which I'll need 100% of my brain's capacity to have instantaneous memory recall, mental focus, and a quick reaction time. The critical factor is whether or not to use symptom relief. If I don't use it, I'd continue suffering and weakening from the sleeplessness and appetite loss that follows; a brain made useless through fatigue. If I do use the stuff, I might be more physically settled and able to eat and sleep, but then I risk reducing my brain into a useless fog-filled mush through their side effects that may not subside on time. It's like there's a no win situation. I feel like my chances for any success tomorrow have been sabotaged, no matter what course I take. I hope I'm wrong.

This paragraph comes three hours after the last one. My effort to rest was futile and I caved. I had to get out and find healthful food and remedies. I knew it was getting bad for me, but I didn't realize as to how really rough shape I was in until a stranger approached me and asked if I was alright as I shivered and staggered around the grocery store. I'm frustrated even more about realizing how much this year is starting to unfold as another close-to-identical cycle of the crap I faced last year in terms of illness and weather, as indicated by the entry Cooking with a Head full of  Neo C. However, this time I sure as hell have no mood nor energy to cook. I am going to be practical; pace my doses, closely monitor my states of alertness between them, and adjust the timing appropriately for tomorrow. I'm writing right now more as a means of performance feedback, to see how the process is going for me. It's probably a good moment to be mindful to do something, anything, for the sake of betterment that is radically different to break this cycle.

Firstly, let's try to look on the bright side of things. It's 20 degrees warmer than it was yesterday (it's still -31 C in the wind). . . well, it's a small start. The rest I left to exploring sites on how to escape the mid-winter blues. For all the other fellow Blue Monday sufferers and resolution makers, here's a link on Wikihow .for you to use.

Beginning 2014

"It was a pleasure to burn.
It was a special pleasure to see things eaten, to see things blackened and changed."
- from Fahrenheit 451, by Ray Bradbury

The new year continues to begin rather frigidly. Tonight, the entire province was issued a wind chill warning, with readings expected to plummet to as low as -50 overnight in some areas around here. I've been busy enough dashing around earlier throughout the day to cover only as much ground as was necessary to avoid anything else treacherous later. It's small and cozy pleasures that I'm using to pass this evening by. The hearth is kindled and stoked with old 2013 calendars, and to put a cherry on top of the whole affair, a couple of rolls of all my past year's old credit card statements, and other obsolete, yet confidential, documents uselessly hoarded in my filing cabinet met the flames as well. Incineration is a hell of a lot more befittingly satisfying, synergetic, and thorough means of disposal for that stuff; and a lot less noisy and annoying than loading them in a jam-prone paper shredder. For tonight . . . I say screw it to all that recycling nonsense*!

Usually by now, I'd have a prepared list of things that I want to set as goals and see transpire throughout this remaining year. This year, the list is too personal . . . sorry such to be a party-pooper; although one of the resolutions for this year I will disclose is to try to be less of one. It appears that I'm already starting this year with some sense of irony.

My belated New Year's wishes and blessings to you: to my friends and family close to home, to the curious readers I have from half a world away, and to all souls in between. May all you endeavor to find and make peace, happiness, and comfort in 2014.

*- Yeah . . . I'm sure someone out there right now is saying: "Whoa!! Settle down there, you rebel you!"