In Remembrance of Grandma

It was last week, the day after my birthday, when I last visited my 90 year old Grandmother, my Mom's Mom. My Mom first called me, explaining how her state of health has been going downhill, and that it all began with some spell which resulted with her kidney function starting to shut down. After her trip to the hospital, she was moved to a facility for temporary respite care. Her physical health declined so much since the last few months ago since we last visited that I even failed to recognize her at first. I talked with her a while. She was still together mentally, even remembering to wish me a happy birthday, and sharing with me the goings on of her past few days with all her visitors with good detail. However, her energy was such that she couldn't keep a conversation up for very long; not without draining her further, or impairing her ability to be understood. I couldn't delude myself in thinking that such a condition of someone who was 90 years young was going to improve, and what was important for me that afternoon was to give her that one last hug and kiss, and to tell her that I loved her. It was hard to witness her suffering this way; but to spend this bit of time with her was perhaps my most valuable birthday gift.

I received the official word that my Grandmother died yesterday evening. When death came to her, I'm thankful to say that it was a relatively quick coupe de grace, and she didn't suffer long, and I'm thankful that she departed this realm without any dementia, or any other severe mental degradation; still lucid enough to be able to recognize her family and loved ones. When I heard the news, I didn't find myself crying, or struck with, or bound up in any other heavy or deep expression of grief. I wasn't reacting with a mindset of a mourner; I chose instead the perspective of gratitude of what and who she was. I thought in a way as one who could perhaps be responsible for delivering the eulogy for at her upcoming funeral, even though I'm hardly one to be worthy of giving a commentary of such depth and scope of existence for someone who has lived out her time on this earth for nine tenths of a century. We all die, and to be given the chance to live a long life independently, to witness the coming of your great-great grandchildren, and to do it all with a clear and lucid mind is, what I would suppose, the best blessing one can get. It's not really a time to mourn; but a time to honestly celebrate the life of someone who has received such a blessing. I'm so glad that gift was bestowed upon my Grandmother, and I'll always see her as someone who deserved it. .

Thank you so much for everything Grandma, for the fellowship and friendship you gave to others, for the laughter and humour you had, and for collectively making us a better family. See you again on the weekend, along with the rest of us.

With love always, your eldest grandson

Brian

On This Birthday...

I made it through another year of life. I'm grateful. I hardly think it's worth posting and pinning down just how old I am now, because I just completed a 'real age' test at http://www.realage.com, and I actually got physically younger since the last time I took it; still registering as a few years less than my actual chronological age. That's something else for which I'm thankful. Here are a few more points listed for which I'm grateful for today with the coming of this gift of a new year of life:

• I had this day off from work, and I didn't have to slog through a ridiculous night shift. Hence, I was able to enjoy this day with some semblence of lucidity. I'll forego any other comment I have about work, or what I'd like to see happen, except that I've reached the point where I'm going to have to put more focus on finding and achieving what is rewarding for me to do.
• I received my driver's license renewal notice in the mail today, which also reminded me that my photo had to be renewed. I never pay attention to how my driver's license photo looks, so I checked it out today. I'm happy to say that it appears that I changed for the better since the last shot of me. Again, thankful.
• The sky was cloudless, and the temperature reached up in the high 20's through the day. The leaves have started to turn their fall colours by the river. It was the perfect scene for the run I've committed myself to do today. I passed 25 kms (thinking now that perhaps I overdid it). Noting this, I've set the goal to reach 2000 kms of recorded running distance before the end of September. It would be nice just to step out each day to watch the season flow as the autumn landscape reveals itself and passes away. I hope there'll be a nice long string of days coming ahead just like this one was.
• Taking the time to binge on a few carb loaded goodies. I had no cake, but savoured some scallops and fettucini, and a few fistfuls of sweets...heavenly.
• I missed out on sharing company with those I wanted to spend time with, people like Jessica Biel, Mila Kunis, Scarlett Johannsen, Olivia Munn...oh well...their loss I guess. Thankful for having this kind of imagination.
• Happy to see some greetings from the rest of you who chose to sent them. Thanks a lot.

My Top 10 Podcast Favourites

One thing that I like to do, especially on Sunday mornings, to give my eyes and brain a break from the assault of the commercial-festered meme-warfare that is television and visual-web media, is to download and listen to podcasts from iTunes. It's easy to focus in on some subject specific, ranging from the trivial to the educational. Some I tune into for some specific steps to achieve a goal; others are just strictly for leisure and entertainment. Most are,thankfully, uninterrupted and commercial free. Here are ten of my (less explicit) kinds that I tune into.

1. Podrunner/ Motion Trax- These are two podcast series that serve up track mixes that are timed to your particular heartbeat and running pace. Naturally, I play these while I'm running. although the majority of them are techo and trance based, there are a variety of genres to pick from. The Motion Trax playlists are pretty upbeat.
2. iTunes U - Although it is catagorized seperately from the podcasts, they are still of that sort of format. Basically, you're able to audit university level lectures for free on any subject taught in a post-secondary institution. My only complaint is that American Universities are the dominant contributors to the iTunes U forums. I wish there was more Canadian, British, and Australian content, as well as translated lectures from French, German, Russian and Japanese universities.
3. Shift: Stories Behind the Stats - CBC radio programme discussing the demographic trends of Canada and the rest of the globe
4. Weird News Radio - The news stories that expose the stupider side of humanity. From people starting franchaises for exorcisms, to the idiotic things that criminals do to get caught: were he alive today, this would knock Darwin down on his ass, either laughing or crying.
5. Meditation Oasis/Meditation Station - Self-explanitory...use less words...think less...pay attention to your breath...clear your mind...tune into yourself more...focus...accept...repeat.
6. Zencast.org - Although I'm not officially a Zen Buddhist, nor was ever I raised as one, these podcasts are significant to me because their content best reflects the core of my particular personal belief system. Exercising mindfulness, learning to be present, being wary of cause and effect, and the workings of attachments and suffering within the context of the Four Noble Truths. Interesting stuff to contemplate.
7. The Jillian Michaels Show - The Nazi-esque trainer from The Biggest Loser gives help and hints for me to eat right for my load of exercise that I do.
8. The Human Performance Powercast - A little more guy oriented podcast about diet and exercise.
9. Out Of Their Minds/Spark - Other CBC programmes: OTM focuses on the innovators and inventors of some wild, weird, and sometimes wonderful technology. Spark deals with trends in technology and society.
10. Personal Growth Podcast - If it's my life's mission to grow everyday, this is one avenue to review things for doing so. I like the episodes of this one because they are short and direct.

New Goals to Make

Today I'm scheduled for my three month follow-up ultrasound, to check up on the condition of things that were discovered earlier this year. I've been feeling very well physically, and I've had no recurrence of extreme discomfort or pain since then. I don't want to jinx myself in saying that any anomalies or tumours have completely disappeared, but it feels like they have. I'm going to conclude that if the results are fine, I'll be satisfied to say that I'm healthy enough to pursue other goals. I think my personal objectives are not in the same sphere of normal compared to those of other people, as I am working with the premise that I'm mostly live as a loner, and I'm the only one taking care of me. Generally, they are in the realms of things that I'd think would make me a better person to make it easier to take care of myself and remain independent; to do something more than just surviving as a loner.

What are these new goals? I'm still working on them. So far, generally, they would be all rooted in the realm of fundamental things of what I would say are necessary to have a good life. There are five of these so called realms in my particular system of living that I would say are my essentials. I deem them to be:

1. Health – It's the major one I'm focusing on now, and the one that will be ongoing. No need to mention more than I have posted about the subject already. I've worked long enough around people whose lives are limited in many respects because, either by accident of birth or circumstance, or through their own addictions or ignorance, they've been rendered too immobile or dependant on extra care just to live. For me to witness all this, and then for me to do things to my own body which rob me of years and make me less than I could be is something I see now as just plain stupid.
   
2. Wealth – This point might surprise some people who think they would know me better, since it probably doesn't reflect so much in my home life, because I actively make an effort to keep my living space simple and Spartan. Truly, I do like money; I just don't like clutter and waste. I believe in having a sufficient abundance; I prefer not wasting energy managing anything I have of a great excess, good or bad. I want to do more to attract more money in my life; but I really don't ever want a stable full of white elephants. For me, more money equals more freedom. Squandering all one's money on showy status material, lots of possessions, especially expensive ones, just leaves you more anchored down by feeling more responsible for more things to manage, and more vulnerable to having more things to lose. Money is like any other artificially created human invention or technology: it has the potential for doing either good or evil. My philosophy of wealth and my corresponding targeted goals concerning it is mainly such: that there is nothing that would make me feel richer than the feeling of being free to live however I choose unencumbered, and being around people who interest me and sincerely enjoy my company, which brings me to the next point.
   
3. Good Relations- Whether they be ranging between the familial/friendships, platonic/sexual, strangers/people who are just plain strange, I do try to make it a goal to a least begin with engaging people with kindness. I'm well aware that I may not seem so approachable to begin with. I think I have a goofy-looking smile, so I'm a bit self-conscious of doing it with initial greetings, or wearing it all the time. It's something to work on. Ninety percent of the time, I'm arriving to work exhausted and leave there feeling even more so, so the old joie de vivre doesn't reflect very well sometimes (most times), no matter how pleasant I try to be. I have a few goals related to getting more rest and being less introverted, and trying not to allow myself to feel "all peopled out" after work, so I can make some more meaningful social contact during my personal time. Maybe a new significant other would do me some good [emphasis on maybe].
   
4. Wisdom- To use knowledge to gain as many advantages I can over the course of life, or to at least use it better for coping with it whenever things don't go my way. I will always make time for listening, reading, and tuning into such things. That's my habit. Well over 90% of the television I bother to watch is educational media. I read daily. I usually have three to seven books on the go at any one time. I have little use or respect for people who openly tell me that they don't care much for reading. My biggest challenge for fulfilling some of my wisdom goals is finding examples of respectable people to use as mentors to educate me in person. I have high standards for this, and it's tougher than you'd think it might be. I think I also need to seriously deploy some mnemonic training to filter down the time and energy I need to learn the massive volume of stuff I may be destined to study in the months ahead.
   
5. Happiness- Perhaps the most elusive of these pursuits, and the most abstract one. For now, the definition of happiness for me is whatever it is that pulls me out of a long rut of depressing routine. The definition needs to change, and so does my approach for getting it.

A Sample Of My Running Tunes

At the risk of exposing just how weirdly eclectic my music collection is to everyone, here is a small sample of the music I tune into while I’m running. Entering a scene with your own personal soundtrack really makes a difference. I sub-categorized things some things here for songs that suit my mood/need for different kinds of motivation. I’ll limit them to about 5 to 10 per category. To pace myself, I tune into mostly the beat of either the bass drums, or the high hat cymbals, but if given the chance to, in the words of Christopher Walken, “I gotta have more COWBELL!” (just kidding) . Anyway, here are some random picks, listed in order of song title, artist, and album. If you want to have a better idea of which lyrics drive me, consult with http://www.azlyrics.com.

Pure Defiance

·         One Man Army – Our Lady Peace, Happiness...Is Not a Fish

·         Hair of the Dog – Nazareth, Hair of the Dog*

·         One – Creed , Greatest Hits

·         Animal I’ve Become – Three Days Grace, One-X

·         Subdivisions – Rush, Signals

·         Be Yourself – Audioslave, Out of Exile

·         Du Hast – Rammstein, Sehnsucht

·         In A Big Country – Big Country

·         A Boy and His Machine Gun – Matthew Good Band, Beautiful Midnight

Pleading to My Higher Power

·         Higher Power – Boston, Greatest Hits

·         Meant To Live – Switchfoot, The Beautiful Letdown

·         Precious – Depeche Mode, Playing The Angel

·         Counting Blue Cars – Dishwalla, Pet Your Friends

·         Personal Jesus – Depeche Mode, Violator

·         Heaven - Live, Album

Just To Be Happy

·         Sweet Disposition- The Temper Trap, Conditions

·         Stupidly Happy – XTC, Homegrown

·         Beautiful Day – U2 , All That You Can’t Leave Behind

·         I’m Free – The Soup Dragons, Lovegod

·         This Must Be The Place (Naive Melody) – The Talking Heads, Greatest Hits

·         This Is The Day – The The, Soul Mining

·         Here Comes Your Man – The Pixies, Doolittle

·         Steal My Sunshine – Len, Go OST

·         The River – Live, Songs From Black Mountain

·         Senses Working Overtime – XTC, English Settlement

·         Alive – Edwin McCain, Honor Among Thieves

Indie/Alternative Faves

·         Work – Jimmy Eat World, Futures

·         Dead Disco – Metric, Old World Underground, Where Are You Now?

·         Hello Time Bomb – Matthew Good Band, Beautiful Midnight*

·         Gold Lion – Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Show Your Bones

·         Smokers Outside The Hospital Doors – The Editors, An End Has A Start

·         Where Is My Mind? – The Pixies, Surfer Rosa

·         Start Choppin’  - Dinosaur Jr., Where You Been

·         Neighbourhood #1 (Tunnels) – Arcade Fire, Funeral

·         A Forest – The Cure, Disintegration

·         Half Way To Crazy – The Jesus and Mary Chain, Automatic

·         High – The House of Love, Babe Rainbow

Fade Into the Trance

·         Everything In It’s Right Place – Radiohead, I Might Be Wrong: Live Recorded Concert

·         Enjoy The Silence (Techno Trance Mix) – DJ Sasha & John Digweed

·         Madras – Global Experience (Tiesto), In Search of Sunrise 6: Ibiza

·         While The Earth Sleeps – Peter Gabriel & Deep Forest

·         Shivers – Armin Van Buuren, 10 Years

·         Immense Velocity(Essential Mix)- Paul Oakenfold

·         I Think I’m Paranoid (Crystal Method Crystalized Mix) – Garbage

·         Blue Monday (Mega Throb Mix) – New Order**

For Red-Lining the Gauges

·         The Fly- U2, Achtung Baby

·         Speed of Sound – Coldplay, X &Y

·         Vertigo – U2, How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb

·         The Best Things – Filter, Title of Record

·         On The Scene – Big Sugar

·         Scratching The Surface – Saga, Heads or Tales

·         Confusion (Blade Soundtrack Mix)- New Order

Be A Very Disciplined Machine

·         Wind Him Up – Saga, Worlds Apart

·         New World Man – Rush, Signals

·         Machinehead – Bush, Sixteen Stone

·         Warm Machine – Bush, The Science of Things

·         Radar Love – Golden Earring

·         Stripped(live version), Depeche Mode

Strength and Power

·         Load Me Up - Matthew Good, Beautiful Midnight

·         Strength – The Alarm, Strength

·         Fearless – The Bravery, The Bravery

·         Magic Power –Triumph, Allied Forces

·         One Little Victory – Rush, Vapour Trails

·         Run – Spiritualized, Laser Guided Melodies

Get Ready For War/Work Through the Pain

·         Working Man – Rush, Rush

·         Everyday Is Exactly The Same – Nine Inch Nails, Everyday Is Exactly The Same

·         The Trick Is To Keep Breathing – Garbage, Version 2.0

·         Fevered – The Stills, Logic Will Break Your Heart

·         Cuts You Up – Peter Murphy, Deep

·         Lunatic Fringe - Red Rider, As Far As Siam

·         Marathon – Rush, Power Windows

·         War Pigs – Black Sabbath, Speak Of The Devil

·         Locomotive Breath – Jethro Tull, Aqualung

·         Jesus Christ Pose – Soundgarden, Badmotorfinger

Porno Throb Grooviness (Shake That Sexy Junk Baby)

·         Still In Love Song- The Stills, Logic Will Break Your Heart

·         Who’s Your Daddy – Benny Benassi

·         Professional Widow(Armand’s Star Trunk Funk Mix)- Tori Amos, Classic House Mix

·         I Feel It In My Bones – DJ Tiesto (featuring Tegan and Sara)

·         I Love My Sex – Benny Benassi

·         Gia – Despina Vandi, Buddha Bar V

·         Always (Psychedelic Martini Mix) – DJ Sasha

·         Do Ya Think I’m Sexy – Rod Stewart, Blonds Have More Fun

·         Do You Feel Me – Tiesto (featuring Julie Thompson), Elements of Life

·         Push The Feeling On – The Nightcrawlers, Classic House Mix

·         Your Loving Arms – Karen Overton with Tiesto, In Search Of Sunrise 5

Time To Get Grungy Baby

·         Spoonman – Soundgarden, Superunknown*

·         Gone Away – The Offspring

·         Even Flow – Pearl Jam, Ten

·         Alive – Pearl Jam, Ten

·         Never Let You – Third Eye Blind, Greatest Hits

·         Swallowed – Bush, Razorblade Suitcase

·         Sweetness – Jimmy Eat World

·         Stay Away – Nirvana, Nevermind

·         Everything Zen – Bush, Sixteen Stone

For a Confident Stride

·         Made of Steel – Our Lady Peace, Gravity

·         Downtime – The Gandharvas, Sold For A Smile

·         Not Enough Time – INXS, Greatest Hits

·         Starlight – Muse, Black Holes and Revelations

·         The Pass – Rush, Presto

·         Time Stand Still – Rush, Hold Your Fire

·         Love Is Strong – The Rolling Stones, Voodoo Lounge

From the Old Cool Smoothies

·         Golden Years – David Bowie, Station To Station

·         Rebel Rebel – David Bowie, Diamond Dogs

·         Slow Burn – David Bowie, Heathen

·         This Beat Goes On/Switching To Glide – The Kings

·         I Don’t Care Anymore – Phil Collins, Hello, I Must Be Going!

·         Big Mouth Strikes Again – The Smiths, The Queen Is Dead

·         Deathwish – The Police, Regatta de Blanc

·         Driven To Tears – The Police, Zenyetta Mondetta

·         Same Old Scene – Bryan Ferry & Roxy Music, Greatest Hits

·         Games Without Frontiers – Peter Gabriel, Shaking The Tree

·         Tall Cool One – Robert Plant, Now and Zen

*- Also counts as one of those “I gotta have more Cowbell!” songs

**- I don’t have the right track title, It’s the name I gave it

My Celebrity Fitness Role Model

As I started on the road to making a healthier lifestyle for myself, I realized that one of the reasons why I wasn't so successful before with my first few attempts was that I had no image of a result in mind. I didn't have some kind of analogue or realistic visual model form to look like, to aspire to, or to compare myself to for setting an achievable fitness goal. There was nothing on the "vision board", if you believe in that sort of thing. I realized that I wasn't above needing such a figure as an example. It's kind of challenging though to figure out how to do it when firstly, I don't find much pleasing or attractive in any male body or form to begin with; secondly, I don't even come close to being equated with or resembling anyone notably famous, real or fictitious, living or dead, who is a quality specimen of optimal health. I decided to be practical about this. My focus is just on getting healthier for starters; if I get better looking through the process somehow, well, it would be just an incidental bonus. Picking a person featured on the front cover of Men's Health magazine (as much as I find the material helpful) would not have been applicable for me. These guys are in their twenties or early thirties. That's not me. Most of them are full-time athletes, or have careers in kinesiology, committing most of their waking hours to doing physical activity, or fitness training. That isn't me either. My interest in fitness is not that amped up, plus, I don't have that many hours on my clock to spare on working out. My goal is to become leaner and more noticeably toned; not to bulk up to a great degree. It's hard enough for me to shop for clothes as it is, never mind adding to it a very disproportional size differential, between my arms, chest, legs, and waist to my height. I asked myself, "Who are the guys who generally have the toned and lean body type, but didn't spend all damn day in a gym working to achieve it?" The only answer that came to my mind was...actors.

I should hope that there'd be very few instances when I'll lower myself to use anything of the Hollywood news and gossip on the Internet as some sort of oracle in answering tough (and strange) questions for the purpose of doing something life enhancing; this, however, was one time that I did do just that. After doing some research, with practical questions in mind, I arrived at the conclusion that Daniel Craig, Hollywood's current James Bond (007), should be my fitness role model. The reasons are listed as thus:

• Age and height: The most important and practical aspect I could think of for finding a muse, for the lack of a better word, was to select someone who was the close to the same age and height as I am, and who was in fit form. Except for the form, I most closely matched up with the profile of Daniel Craig with those criteria. Although Daniel Craig is slightly taller than me (by an inch or so), and slightly older than me (by about six months) he is, so far, the best one that had come up after reviewing some vitals of several potential candidates. The same age aspect helps me to defeat any excuses and negative thinking that I wouldn't be able to do all this because of my particular count of years. The same height aspect is helpful for comparison, to gauge what proportions I would really be working towards, more or less, as I get fitter.
  
• Lean and toned looking, but not a professional athlete: Daniel Craig has to obviously use some gym-time to stay fit for the role of 007, but of course has to use the majority of his work day as an actor with scripting, rehearsing, filming, etc. Therefore, any workout plan that he uses for strength training would necessarily have to be kept brief time-wise, and be very efficient to accommodate for his day's schedule. I pre-selected some routines that give me a full body workout in a short period of time before I even looked up the workout stats for Daniel Craig. It pleased me to see that when I did come around to reviewing his workout routine, I already came close to what he was doing, although he uses an actual gym facility more than I would.
  
• More average looking; not outrageously handsome: Some people, especially some women, may disagree with me about this, but Daniel Craig, in my mind, is not an exceedingly handsome man. In fact, I dare say that if he had my hair and eye colour, and we both stood together for comparison, he would actually look worse than I do from the neck up (and likewise; I wouldn't look any better if I had his eyes and hair colour). I'm not saying that this is a bad thing, since my focus is on physique, and not facial features. It's just that it would be easier and less intimidating for me to have a role model with looks more equally on the 'humble' side along with me than ones that are way above average. As far as it goes for all those actors who've been cast as James Bond, Pierce Brosnan probably wins hands down as the most handsome one. Oh yes, I will admit Craig is distinctive, but not in a 'pretty boy' kind of way. That's why I think he is the best Bond so far. Could you seriously imagine someone as freakishly good-looking as Pierce Brosnan, with any convincing measure of resilience and defiance, being able to take the pounding, beating, shit-kicking, and torture the way the character of James Bond in Casino Royale did? It would almost be laughable to see that happen. For this tougher and more intensified version of 007, there needed to be a tougher, more intense looking, rough-around-the-edges looking actor to play him. They made the perfect decision in casting Daniel Craig for this round of Bond films. I'm digressing a bit though; this isn't film study. Back to fitness role model business.
  
• Working strange, variable hours: Being an actor would demand having to be versatile enough to work long hours at all hours of the day, just like a healthcare worker's lifestyle. I figured that if a workout is to be squeezed into any day given these conditions, there must be a fitness plan that accounts for the ways that working weird hours can physiologically mess you up; and would still be effective enough to produce results, even throughout the times when the body is put under pressure of having its daily rhythms scrambled up all the time. If properly consulted, Daniel Craig would probably have a plan that accommodates for this, as he is coping with jetlag from switching set locations, and shooting scenes at night. Realistically, this is what I would need as well.
  
• Adopting the 007 attitude: To be persistent, and to stay focused and disciplined to make all this effort pay off (or to at least help to make the whole workout process a little more fun and entertaining) it's a great boost for me to think in terms of, "What would James Bond do?" as I'm doing cardio or weights. I would guess that it's the same thing going on in Daniel Craig's head as he is performing this role trying to execute a scene perfectly. It serves as the push I sometimes use and need to force myself to go farther, or harder when I'm exercising. Would 007 slow down and stop because he is a little winded after running five kilometres uphill chasing a terrorist? Hell no, in fact he'd run five kilometres more if it served to wipe out a whole terrorist cell. Should I slow down after jogging five kilometres because I'm a little winded as I pursue better health? Same answer, hell no! In fact I should run five kilometres more if it served to eradicate one more tumour cell. Would 007 just quit shoving the head of some rat-bastard informant through to the bottom of a filled bathroom sink because it was a bit of an inconvenience? I doubt it! Should I stop sinking this deviant enzyme level down to a normal level with a proper diet because it's all a bit too inconvenient? No way! Not gonna let that happen. That's the kind thinking it gets translated into for my own use. I figured if I tried and copy that sort of determination and resilience, it wouldn't be long until I eventually and actually adopted it for real.
  
• Other minutia: I find it coincidental that we both have loved ones in our lives named Ella (his is his daughter, mine is my dog). We are both linked in a way with Cheshire (he was born in Cheshire, England; I'm work within the Cheshire Foundation). That's where our similarities end.
  

I'm not so delusional as to think that I'll ever come close to being as tough, adventurous, or built like a James Bond, or even close to resembling a body double of Daniel Craig. Realistically, according to the numbers indicating my comparative muscle and bone density from the InBody 230 readout, I'll probably always be heavier than he is, even with me getting as lean as possible. That doesn't matter. What does matter is knowing and seeing that there are ways and means to get better physically that works for someone of my height, age, and lifestyle; a living example of someone who can maintain it, and a using powerful mindset and attitude to persist at it. All this is to help me look like someone which one should take seriously, be respected, and to look and feel very capable and competent, despite my age, in order that I can enter and take on the next few challenges ahead in my life. Thanks a lot Mr. Craig.

Things and People I Thank for My Recent Fitness Successes

After I took possession of my new place in August 2009, I started to half-heartedly pursue my next big goal, which I figured would be necessary to boost me to better things: working toward personal fitness and a healthier lifestyle. However, my motivation for that dwindled down along with the ending of that summer as I made settling in my new condo a priority; directing my time and energy to that challenge instead. I gave thought to it again as that year closed, but then came a series of new energy-sapping incidents, which included a mystery eye infection, a serious betrayal of my trust, an infestation, and a couple of other emergencies, starting in December 2009; lasting right up until August 2010. Again, I attempted a half-hearted effort for better health and fitness during the fall of that year, but my commitment to that bout deteriorated as quickly as the previous time as a new round of adverse things transpired during the early part of winter of that year to again test my wits. I suppose around December 2010, the stress, fear and anger from it all led to a depression, and when January 2011 came, I felt pissed off enough to resolve to get myself back on track with things, no matter what else came, no matter how badly things got, no matter how I felt about it all, or how things ended up. What I really needed to do was get in a headspace where I tune into some good, sound motivators. I could credit some stuff like walking my dog more, or biking more to save gas; but having more recreational time with my dog, and living greener and saving money are things that I like to do. The truly more powerful motivators are things that get you off your ass, to make you face up to the stuff of life that you don't want or like to do and force you to cross barriers to bring you to something better in the long run. Here is what I would consider to be the top ten of them (in no particular order) since the beginning of January of this year right up to now.

1. The Threat of Cancer – Perhaps it's strange to mention this as something to be thankful for, but it's true. Part of the thing that was giving me so much grief through the winter of 2010/2011 was a nagging, gnawing sensation around the left side of my lower abdomen. Sometimes it was just a mild discomfort, other times the intensity of the migrating pain felt like it could put me on the floor, especially when I felt it reaching right down into my groin. When it came to be that intense, I thought it could be prostate problems, which seem to run in the family. Weird fluctuations in my weight, energy and appetite levels occurred as well. I got checked out in my upcoming physical, and some freakish numbers concerning my pancreatic enzyme activity sent up warning flags for my doctor. More tests were issued. My diagnosis turned out to be appearances of haemangiomas, basically tumours growing around my blood vessels, somewhere in my abdomen. They are assumed to be around the vicinity of my pancreas, causing some abnormal pancreatic enzyme production. For now, all this stuff is speculated to be benign, but this was shocking news to hear at first; I vowed that I was not going to allow myself to get sicker than this. I was not, through my own ignorance, going to set the stage to let things progress or worsen to a greater state or chance of getting pancreatic cancer. This is probably the greatest primary motivator for taking the actions that I have so far, for living a less toxic lifestyle, getting more active, and losing some excess weight. I've been feeling a lot less pain now ever since doing all this.
   
2. MJ – My best friend throughout all of this. I've watched her progress onward and upward with her challenge of getting healthier. She still managed to do it all while struggling through a time of recuperating from past physical injuries. That has been inspirational for me. She has been supportive, and sharing with me things that have worked for her, and gifted me some stuff that helped set me on my path. She reminds me to stay disciplined. She is the M, to my inner 007 (see next point).
   
3. The Craig Plan – No, I'm not talking about the friggin' Jenny Craig Plan. I'm talking about...the Daniel Craig plan. The reasons are numerous as to why I chose this route to follow which flow into a separate topic all unto itself, so I'll just hyperlink this point to another blog entry so you can read at your leisure about my Fitness Role Model.
   
4. Men's Health Magazine- A great publication to help get an average guy like me started off with some basic fundamentals. Several of the workout techniques are doable without having to go to a gym. This was perfect for me for beginning some strength training as I started off in the middle of winter; avoiding wasting time with warming up a vehicle and dragging a change of clothes around elsewhere for much of the week. My only complaint of this publication is that most of the material seems to be targeted to guys between the mid twenties through to the mid thirties age-wise.
   
5. Tim Ferriss- Men's Health Magazine provided me with endless options; Tim Ferriss is the guy who helped narrow them down for me through his book The Four Hour Body. I don't have a lot of time throughout a typical day to devote purely to diet and exercise. His book helped to shatter a lot of illusions as to what I would need in terms of time and other resources to achieve my fitness goals. The most valuable lessons I gleaned from Tim's book was the power of scaling things down to MED (minimal effective dose), and bringing to mind the effectiveness of Kaizen (big gains made by using small, cumulative changes and improvements). I like his general take on life too, and I feel that stuff in his other writings are going to have a big effect on the future I chose to create for myself.
   
6. InBody 230 – This is a body composition analyzer. I needed feedback as to where to start from, and what acceptable for me in terms of muscle mass, body fat percentage, and bone density, and what is realistic for me to achieve through whatever fitness efforts I do. This unit tests all of that for you. When I first got tested, I was shocked to see just how close I was to getting where I felt it was good to be health-wise. I'm curious as to what the next readout will tell me.
   
7. Orthotics – The most useful activity that has helped me to trim and burn off most of the excess poundage, by far, has to be the jogging. However, the problem before was that, for the greater part of my life due to certain foot deformities, I wasn't ever able to run very fast or far without extreme shin splints, shock to my knees, or other debilitating cramps and foot pain. It wasn't until about five years ago, when I finally went to a proper podiatrist to get my step gauged and measured for getting fitted for a suitable orthotic appliance. I was told straight off that if I continued walking without them, I may be using a cane or crutches by the age of 50 because of all the excess joint wear my particular deviations in my step were causing. If someone told me five years ago that someday I'd be able to run past fifteen, or even past five kilometres, I would have laughed or scoffed at them. I wish I would have had the sense to get these things earlier in my life.
   
8. Nike +/Apple Running Sensor –"What gets measured gets managed", was one salient thing for me that I saw quoted in Tim Ferriss's aforementioned book. That is very much true for me, especially when I'm doing both the measuring and managing. I find being able to track and monitor my own performance with some tool very empowering. I hate it when other people are involved, looming over my shoulder, and tallying some score through conditions of which I'm not in control. That greatly annoys me. Thanks to the collaborative efforts of Nike and Apple, for their development of the tracking sensor which signals into my iTouch, and records my statistics and progress during my runs. I set it then forget it, there's no subjective guessing of performance, and no chance of cheating the system. It gives me feedback through the headphones as to anything I want tracked for myself (distance, time, calories burned). Whenever I sync my iTouch and recharge it, the results are automatically uploaded to the Nike+ website. The site also allows you to plan and create maps of any running course you're thinking of attempting. It has options for setting goals, on any dimension of running you can think of (speed, distance, frequency, calories burned, etc.). It's a terrific thing, especially if you are an analytical nerd attempting something athletic, like me.
   
9. ITunes – Just running alone would be too boring without any good music, or motivational lectures/podcasts to listen to. I custom programme my own playlists for my stints of running. Here are a few tracks I use. Through iTunes, I also have downloaded some useful calorie monitoring and diet/fitness apps, like My Fitness Pal, and various other exercise logs. Again, if this weren't available, the inner nerd in me would never allow myself to get motivated for fitness at all.
   
10. Larry Winget – Finally, I get to mention the toughest, hard-nosed, in-your-face, put-a-cowboy boot-up-your-ass, motivator out of all of these I've listed. Actually, Larry Winget is not what you would call a true motivational speaker/writer. He is, more accurately, what he is self-acclaimed to be... an irritational speaker. Let me warn you now, if the help you want for facing hard reality and dealing with life's big problems is the kind that's all fuzzy and cutesy; wrapped up in sweet, politically correct language and tender words, then you sure as hell won't get it from a man who has written books titled, People are Idiots, and I Can Prove It, and Shut Up, Stop Whining, and Get A Life!. I have some of the literature and audio books of this man. He talks loud and boldly, he dresses even more so. He is direct. He can be obnoxious. He will be argumentative. He wouldn't care if he made you cry as he lambasted you about your very personal flaws and deficits (in fact, he'd probably love to see that happen). He does his damnedest to bury the truth down deep inside your skull, like a madman wielding a hatchet, about what your delusions and self-defeating behaviours are, what they are doing to you, and how you have failed to do anything so far about them. He is no hypocrite. He freely confesses his own screw ups, and shares the hard lessons that he went through to set himself back on the road to success. The only absolving feature about him, that keeps him from being branded as a purely and plainly mean son of a bitch, is that after all the criticisms he makes he also presents and shares solutions and practical steps toward action. Indeed, he does come through with sharing practical advice; it's just that using brutal honesty for getting you so irritated about the mess you've made for yourself is Larry's style, and he sees it as an important step for you to do to make damn good and certain that you'll want to get out of it, and never screw up that way again. Larry genuinely would like to see all people be successful and do better for themselves; he just won't bullshit you about what it takes to achieve it, i.e. good old-fashioned hard work. In regard to health, work, money, and lifestyle, Larry uses the naked truth to put a Kung Fu grip on your stubborn parts of your psyche that are left immersed in the toilet of denial, and then he'll bitchslap you back into reality with some good rhetoric of logic and common sense. Goddamn it, I love this guy! It's his method of tactical questioning that really enthrals me. Whenever I'm put into the position of having to help people realize some facts about the consequences of what their ignorance or poor conduct is doing to themselves and others around them I, at first, try to be polite, kind, and tactful in addressing them about it. However, if they fail to accept or acknowledge that approach for the first time (or, Good God, sometimes even a second time!) then I get into a state of what I term as "going Winget on their ass". For those times when my own positive, polite, tactful self-talk fails to encourage me to do the right thing, I imagine what drill sergeant Larry would be saying to me if he had the chance to. It tends to at least get me moving in a better direction. For myself, along with using the 007 attitude, taking hold of Larry's approach and using it on my own self has helped me to be disciplined enough to fix some big problems, and to gain the personal fitness milestones and successes that I have made.