In Remembrance of Grandma

It was last week, the day after my birthday, when I last visited my 90 year old Grandmother, my Mom's Mom. My Mom first called me, explaining how her state of health has been going downhill, and that it all began with some spell which resulted with her kidney function starting to shut down. After her trip to the hospital, she was moved to a facility for temporary respite care. Her physical health declined so much since the last few months ago since we last visited that I even failed to recognize her at first. I talked with her a while. She was still together mentally, even remembering to wish me a happy birthday, and sharing with me the goings on of her past few days with all her visitors with good detail. However, her energy was such that she couldn't keep a conversation up for very long; not without draining her further, or impairing her ability to be understood. I couldn't delude myself in thinking that such a condition of someone who was 90 years young was going to improve, and what was important for me that afternoon was to give her that one last hug and kiss, and to tell her that I loved her. It was hard to witness her suffering this way; but to spend this bit of time with her was perhaps my most valuable birthday gift.

I received the official word that my Grandmother died yesterday evening. When death came to her, I'm thankful to say that it was a relatively quick coupe de grace, and she didn't suffer long, and I'm thankful that she departed this realm without any dementia, or any other severe mental degradation; still lucid enough to be able to recognize her family and loved ones. When I heard the news, I didn't find myself crying, or struck with, or bound up in any other heavy or deep expression of grief. I wasn't reacting with a mindset of a mourner; I chose instead the perspective of gratitude of what and who she was. I thought in a way as one who could perhaps be responsible for delivering the eulogy for at her upcoming funeral, even though I'm hardly one to be worthy of giving a commentary of such depth and scope of existence for someone who has lived out her time on this earth for nine tenths of a century. We all die, and to be given the chance to live a long life independently, to witness the coming of your great-great grandchildren, and to do it all with a clear and lucid mind is, what I would suppose, the best blessing one can get. It's not really a time to mourn; but a time to honestly celebrate the life of someone who has received such a blessing. I'm so glad that gift was bestowed upon my Grandmother, and I'll always see her as someone who deserved it. .

Thank you so much for everything Grandma, for the fellowship and friendship you gave to others, for the laughter and humour you had, and for collectively making us a better family. See you again on the weekend, along with the rest of us.

With love always, your eldest grandson

Brian