12/12/12

Other than coincidental order of the date numerals for this day, of this month, of this year, there is nothing especially notable about it, except for feeling perhaps the onset of SAD (seasonal affective disorder) coming on strongly within this past week: given the temperatures falling below -20 C, the wind, and cloudy snowy skies. I'm more de-energized than cold really. Walking to and from work, the bare minimum of exercise that I feel I need to do in a given day, only serves to drain me instead of invigorating and helping me to focus like it usually does. Nothing of significance at home seems to give me interest anymore, or I just can't seem to put my mind into whatever I'm doing: organizing and doing the simplest of tasks are just giving me constant headaches and overwhelming me. I'm totally unmotivated to even leave home, and knowing that I still have holiday shopping to do isn't helping me either. My appetite is gone, and when I do eat, I'm tending to fail to do so mindfully. I'm going to stop the complaining now, before the other myriad reasons, bad news, and negativity in work and life that are bringing me down get subjected to more examination, and start anchoring themselves in my head.

The latest thing I've been researching, since I got into skiing this winter, is Nordic pole walking. I've noted that the skiing has been improving my posture a bit, and I think it's due to strengthening my core muscles by using the poles. I'm hoping that the poles may help to normalize my stance while trying to walk on the icy streets outside may help in curing my sciatic pain. Hunching over, and staring at the feet constantly while trying to avoid slipping I'm sure is doing me no favours beyond fall prevention. Hunching over is also the stance of depression/non-confidence, and I'm desperate enough to try a remove the symptoms/remove the disease kind of logic. Re-posturing myself with this exercise may help reverse some of the psychological symptoms of depression as well.

I wish 12/12/12 would be something really special, since it's the only date that will appear in this form in my lifetime, but as it is, I'm just wishing that it were something else than it is now, or what I'm expecting it to be.