Obscureness

"One inch ahead and the world is pitch darkness" 

- Japanese Proverb

It's been cold, gloomy, and rainy all weekend so far. I've confined physical activity to the indoor track; dismayed that the progress I thought I was making was a bit of a deception. I used the indoor track to re-calibrate my tracking sensor. I thought since I switched shoes, my gait may have a variation which could effect the true reading. It turns out that that was the case, and my pace was being monitored quicker than actuality, by about twenty meters per kilometer. I thought that was so, and probably the reason why I've been instinctively pushing myself ahead a little bit beyond the recommended marathon training presets in Nike +. With the correction, the runs now seem endless and grueling, as time has been in general with the coming of this wet and windy weather. Today's run seemed brutal, and I was forced to gear down. My heart was racing way too hard, like it belonged to a wild bronco. I hope I'm not getting sick: I have been feeling feverish. Perhaps the physical drain is just a manifestation or reflection of the bit of mental stress I've been feeling lately.

I confess that I've been feeling less than centred; demoralized is a more accurate word. I've worked hard to try to elevate my mood and energy for the past few months, and now I'm beset with news that seemed to demolish anything in me that's been positive and progressive. I'm trying my hardest to not be reactive to the issue outwardly, but the brooding of it still is a strain to me emotionally. I've been catching myself doing the useless thing of worrying, wondering about the future and it's innumerable variables, or creating some fantasies of dramatic possible consequences. I'll deal with it as I do with everything else: one day at a time. It won't serve me well to explain everything about it here as it's happening. I think it would just make things more complicated than they need to be. It's one of those wait and see how things pass sort of deals.

As the proverb suggests, the future is always something in obscurity. I just hope I have the wherewithal to cope with whatever change comes ahead, and that it won't make those who are along with me for this ride suffer as well. What is more intimidating than the situation itself is the overwhelming paths of action I'm left to choose from in an attempt to correct or better things, and feeling paralyzed in trying to choose the right one. That's the real disadvantage in having an over-analytical brain like mine.

I was hoping that this brief mention of it would clear my head a bit better. At with least putting it into comparison with some other things in my mind that were a lot worse to deal with in my life, I think I'll clear this hurdle one way or other successfully. It just demands my patience, diligence, focus, and foresight for opportunity.